I used to work for comcast. /whistles...I used to get some weird ass phone calls. The best were when little old ladies would call for porn.
'Can you order channel 936 for me please?'
(Looks at line up and stifles a snort)
'You mean, 'Little white panties', ma'am?'
'Yes that's the one.'
2 DAYS LATER...
'Can you order channel 934 for me?'
Recognizes the name on the account and puts my microphone on hold to tell everyone in my section.
'Junk in the trunk part 38 is ordered for you ma'am.'
Awesome.
Stupid customers
Part of the conversation in Jennafaes Hallelujah thread gave me the idea for a new topic. I know that many, if not all, of us have worked in retail/customer service. That means we all have some pretty stupid people we've had to deal with. Here are a few of mine.
When I worked at Waldenbooks, I encountered stupidity daily. The most basic form was:
Me: Thank you for calling Waldenbooks, how can I help you?
Idiot 345: Hey! Do you all have books?
Me: Yes, we have magazines, too. (Too bad you are illiterate.)
The best stupid phone question ever was this:
Idiot 9,687: Do you have Shakespeare in English?
Me: I am so sorry, we only carry Shakespeare in the original Klingon. Perhaps you can find Shakespeare in English at B. Dalton.
- My manager, who'd majored in English Lit., bust a gut. Oh, the joys of having a smartass manager...
When I worked for Books on Tape, Inc. I had people ask me for the following items; on audiocassette:
Cookbooks (How do you propose to find the recipe you're looking for?)
Dictionary (Again, how do you expect to find the word?)
Map books (Like the Thomas Bros. Guides, wtf? I actually slipped and asked the caller, "How the hell would that work?!"
The Kama Sutra (Really, how much fun is that without the illustrations?)
I only have one notable stupid caller from my current job:
Insurance Agent: Can you please tell me if this loan is escrowed?
Me: No, it is not.
IA: Oh, well, can you send us payment for their homeowners insurance?
Me: I am sorry, this loan does not have an escrow account.
IA: So, that means you can't issue payment?
Me: (Thinking: I bet you are a fucking blond with silicon tits and collagen lips.) That's precisely what that means.
So, what are some of your tales of idiocy?
edit: Corrected the spelling of illiterate. Oh, the irony!
ROzbeans
21 years ago
Kharnage
21 years ago
I work at a CompUSA as a repair tech. Had a customer come in and ask the classic question for the store.
Do yall carry computers?
Each time i get this question i tend to stand very still for a minute or two restraining myself from hitting the retard with a cash register.
After this I page Prosecution to help the bastard if he is working. :-P
Do yall carry computers?
Each time i get this question i tend to stand very still for a minute or two restraining myself from hitting the retard with a cash register.
After this I page Prosecution to help the bastard if he is working. :-P
Prosecution
21 years ago
Yes Kharnage is a dick about that, he does dump the stupid ones on me.
Here are a couple classic ones:
Me: Thanks for calling CompUSA, how can I help you?
Mr. Stupidhead: Uhh.... do you all carry lawnmowers?
Me: Let me check. (I proceeded to put him on hold, and not pick back up. There was no way in hell I was touching that one)
Me: How can I help you sir
Mr. Idiot Supreme: I have an AMD Athlonomous, 3 Ghz. Do you all have Windows '98.
Me: What? (My mind shut down from the stupidity of the comment.)
This one was a conversation about more RAM
Me: Ok sir, I understand that you would like more RAM, what sort of processor or computer do you have so I can get the correct type for you.
Some fucking idiot: I have a Dell 256MB.
Me: Yes, but what processor, it usually is measured in GHZ, or MHZ.
Some fucking idiot: I have a Dell 256MB.
Me: Ok, do you have a model number
Some fucking idiot: I have a Dell
Me: (At this point fed up with this conversation) Sir Dell's entirely prioritary. You will have to order from Dell.
Some fucking idiot: I am supposed to be able to buy it here. I have a Dell 256MB, and I want 512MB.
Me: Sir, do you have any idea what sort of ram you need.
Some fucking idiot: Yes Dell.
Me: Sir do you see Dell memory? (We carry generic ram, PNY that sorta stuff.)
Some fucking idiot: No.
Me: There ya go.
Some fucking idiot: Oh. Ok thanks. Do you all have windows '98 upgrade. I have windows XP and don't like it.
Me: (OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!) No.
Here are a couple classic ones:
Me: Thanks for calling CompUSA, how can I help you?
Mr. Stupidhead: Uhh.... do you all carry lawnmowers?
Me: Let me check. (I proceeded to put him on hold, and not pick back up. There was no way in hell I was touching that one)
Me: How can I help you sir
Mr. Idiot Supreme: I have an AMD Athlonomous, 3 Ghz. Do you all have Windows '98.
Me: What? (My mind shut down from the stupidity of the comment.)
This one was a conversation about more RAM
Me: Ok sir, I understand that you would like more RAM, what sort of processor or computer do you have so I can get the correct type for you.
Some fucking idiot: I have a Dell 256MB.
Me: Yes, but what processor, it usually is measured in GHZ, or MHZ.
Some fucking idiot: I have a Dell 256MB.
Me: Ok, do you have a model number
Some fucking idiot: I have a Dell
Me: (At this point fed up with this conversation) Sir Dell's entirely prioritary. You will have to order from Dell.
Some fucking idiot: I am supposed to be able to buy it here. I have a Dell 256MB, and I want 512MB.
Me: Sir, do you have any idea what sort of ram you need.
Some fucking idiot: Yes Dell.
Me: Sir do you see Dell memory? (We carry generic ram, PNY that sorta stuff.)
Some fucking idiot: No.
Me: There ya go.
Some fucking idiot: Oh. Ok thanks. Do you all have windows '98 upgrade. I have windows XP and don't like it.
Me: (OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!) No.
Rasberry
21 years ago
I don't have any funny customer stories... though I used to work at an amusement park and I once saw someones face get sprayed with molten rubber when one of the wheels on an overhead track coaster melted. It's not so much funny, as morbid and unfortunate though. For the rest of the day I had to stand at the start of the line and lie to people about what happened.
Oh! I also got to check the harness for one of the kids from home improvement once! The youngest one, I don't know his name. Also I met the lady who played Rose's mom in Titanic lol
The customers I largely ignored though, moving through the park was like wading through a sea of idiots. You hafta tune em out or you go insane.
Oh! I also got to check the harness for one of the kids from home improvement once! The youngest one, I don't know his name. Also I met the lady who played Rose's mom in Titanic lol
The customers I largely ignored though, moving through the park was like wading through a sea of idiots. You hafta tune em out or you go insane.