"I've never had lunch with a communist before..."

A burning question seems to be on the lips and hearts of all those on TAC. Just who is Zhavric? It's time you learned the truth (with appologies and acknowledgements to "Who is Tom Servo"):

Zhavric is a mysterious figure, who is often seen in two masks and a cape. He has been known to re-direct rivers while taking a break from performing frankstein-like alterations to home loans. He is fluent in ebonics and has acted as an ambassador for the West while in the East. He writes award-winning posts on ODN. He is Dungeon Master to his boss.

Occasially, he goes on cross-continent jogging trips. He seduces women with his infallable knowledge of old movie quotes, he can throw frisbees around corners, and he can prepare brussel sprouts that tastes like candy.

Zhavric is an expert in epee fencing, a veteran in debating, and a maniachal arch-villain. Ninjas from all over the world have studied his legendary "spin-attack". His fingernails stopped growing when he was 12. Zhavric is a folk hero to the native people of Vanuatu where they call him by his ceremonial name. He has met and brushed off celebrities. Last summer, he climbed giant sand dunes on a treasure hunt.

He has danced with the devil in the pale moon light. He is the last one left who cares about The Truth.

His gardening skills were passed to him from an ancestry that stretches back to the Czar of Russia. Campers trust his wise counceling. He once struck a classmate between the eyes with a peny from a distance of 40 feet. He can quote Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead, Monty Python, and Star Wars during the heat of battle with mind-numbing accuracy. He can instinctively sense the location of every wi-fi coffee house within 100 miles of the tip of his nose. He has been interogated by the government.

He has migraine headaches which show him visions of precious metals and cheese. While on vacation in Europe, he paraded through Paris, brandished cutlery in Brussels, and defended his injured companions from an unliscenced drug dealer in Amsterdam with a Swiss Army Knife. He can bend the laws of reality by force of will. He lifts 1.5 times his bodyweight, he can dodge flying chalk, he attends raves in his pajamas and he has sworn an oath to never be in bankruptcy. He invented, but abandoned the sport of X-Treme Power Walking. He understands the programming of your brain.

He once pushed four mini-vans free from snow-drifts at the same time. He captures cray-fish and feeds them gold-fish. He has pulled the sword from the stone, performed "Crunchy Frog" on stage to a crowd of hundreds, and brought cute girls to a new year's party.

He has played Dasher, he has resurrected long-dead threads, and he is the former room mate of Blue Beard the Pirate's great great great great great great grand-nephew.

He has followed the life and times of Spider Jerusalim.

That's who Zhavric is. He wishes you all hello.