Keeping a stiff upper lip

Ok, this isn't a 'pity me' thread, but more of a count your blessings, hilarious after the fact thread.

2 weeks ago I'm walking through the Youth Center parking lot with my kiddo right? It's icy...well it is Alaska...and I had the foresight to park at a slope. Of course. This is what makes the story comical. So I'm walking to the jeep when suddenly I start to slip.

'Shit.'

I almost losing my footing twice.

'Oh shit.'

But 3 is a charm. Now, I have fallen on ice many times. I've fallen growing up so in the split second my feet go out from underneath me, I think 'Ok, I got this.'

WHACK. BRIGHT LIGHT.

'Shit.'

So I lay there for a full 30 seconds.

'Mommy, why are you on the ground?'

'One second, Catherine.'

So I go to sit up...and slip again. I hit the ground so hard that I bent my motherfucking car key. So I cling to the handle of another car and get up.

'You ok, mommy.'

'One second, babe.'

I stand there and try and keep my balance. I motion Catherine into the jeep and I sit at the steering wheel, TRYING to make the stars go away. A few more minutes pass and I'm finally successful.

I drive myself home and in 20 mins I'm fine. I ask Verileah and Bunny what a concussion is like. Veri's like 'Well I tend to fall a lot but I'm ok' and Bunny is ripping me a new one, telling me to go to the ER, but it's like 8 o'clock and my lazy ass doesn't want to sit in the ER for 3+ hours. So, I go to bed with Mike promising me that he'll wake me up. I do and in the morning I sit up in bed.

'What...the fuck?'

I am so fucking dazed and lethargic it is ridiculous. I walk around all dizzy and I managed to get to work.

2 hrs go by and I can't focus and I'm slurring, right? So with the triage nurse's advice, she says to go the ER. So Mike comes and gets me and guess what?

I have a mild concussion. Whee! I can barely stand and hold my arms out without puking on my doctor or falling. I have to hold my head up. It hurts in the front, not the back where I hit it on the ice. The nurse said, 'oh that's because you knocked your brain forward.'

What the fuck?

So, long story short (too late) the next couple days while typing I have amazing typos. I try and type one thing and it's garbled shit. I couldn't think of simple words. It was like something was broken. 3 days later I'm right as rain.

Next story.

So we take Shadow to Petco to get her a bath right? Fuck you, it's 20 degrees outside, I'm not giving her a bath out there or in my only tub. So we take her and walk in. There's this little white jack russell (frasier dog) sitting in its cage. Shadow, being the odd friendly lab mix she is says, 'HI! I SNIFF YOU'. The dog replied.

BARK BARK - IM FUCKING GOING TO KILL YOU. BARK BARK.

So Shadow and I were like...huh, ok. Let's stand over here.

So we're in this tiny little room and I see Mike and Catherine walking up to the door, crossing the street. Next thing I know, there's this white blur.

This motherfucking dog, all 10LBS of it, is attacking my 80LB dog. Shadow and I are like, WTF?!! So I shove Shadow behind me and start pushing this little shit ball away. Halfway thru this I think, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? ITS 10 FUCKING POUNDS'

So Mike comes busting in the door, the woman gets a hold of the dog, but not until after it's rammed its little fangs into my hand. It didn't break the skin though, but get this. THE WOMAN STILL WANTED THIS LITTLE FEROCIOUS PIECE OF SHIT'S TEETH CLEANED AND NAILS CLIPPED!

Ok, so I've had a spectacular couple weeks. There's some other shit but that shit is minor now because here's the doozy.

Mike goes to the middle east for 4 months in May.

Count your blessings, kick your nasty spitting dogs and keep the upper lip stiff. I read back on this shit now and laugh. It could be worse and sometimes...it is.