101 ways to annoy people
LOL I do a lot of thee already :o
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
I've done this before but our new copiers all are password set, and revert back to default now :(
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." (though I used 'Oh Really?')
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
41. Set alarms for random times.
45. Honk and wave to strangers
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE
53. only type in lowercase
54. dont use any punctuation either
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
I was reading online that this is a great way to start conversations.
'I remember when I killed that guy in the alley with a pitch fork.'
'So you killed that guy with a pitch fork?
Always amusing during a full stocktake :)
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
*cough* Guilty
One of my friends used to write "oral satisfaction" there. I was worried the fucker was gonna write that on a $1,000 check he owed me, but luckily it was safe.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
I prefer going to McDonald's, waiting in line, and then staring at the menu once I get to the cash register. After they finally get exasperated, I tell 'em I'm just looking, and walk out.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Fuck, the merchants in the Philippines do this shit all day long. "Yes sir, rubber shoes. Brand name. You buy." Walk through the Green Hills shopping center, and every person speaks up in a monotone voice whether you make eye contact or not. "Yes sir" or "Yes ma'am." Except it sounds like "mom."
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
Try that at a boodle fight lunch...
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
If it's a copier in which people mainly use the auto-feed, tape a piece of paper to the glass.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Don't forget to cut the tiny hole in the corner first, so you know what direction you're gonna spray. Bad experience? Almost. My Matrix-like reflexes let me duck a tomato spooge bomb that i smashed with a fist.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
My sister's friend named her cat "That Damn Cat." "Hey! Someone go feed That Damn Cat!" "That Damn Cat is scratching the furniture again!" "I think we need to neuter That Damn Cat!"
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
My dad does that shit. "Who told you?"
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
This is more fun if you tag team a victim with someone else who can keep a straight face.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
I know a girl who likes to end all her e-mails with: "Also,"
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
My college gf's previous bf would get stuck talking to people at parties that he didn't find that interesting. "Excuse me, I need to go somewhere right now." Then he'd turn around and start talking to whomever happened to be directly behind him.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Anyone who supposedly has never converted a spring-loaded ballpoint pen into a small projectile is lying.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Does anyone not do this?
34. Drum on every available surface.
Including foreheads. Guilty.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Yep.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
We called 1-800-TAMPONS and had the guy with the highest voice (we were kids) say "she" was stuck in an airplane lavatory with no tampons and a severe emergency. To their credit, they took the call seriously and gave some real advice. I don't even remember if that number was supposed to be for general information or for a particular brand's business operations.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
We bred a few insect havens in the unused lockers near the cafeteria by jimmying the locks and leaving open milk cartons in there.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Didn't do that, but I ordered escargots and a burger. I also sometimes order a full course meal and then have a different full course meal as dessert.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
This is actually a smart thing to do in the Philippines. It's one of those countries where cops will stop you just to get a bribe. If you honk and wave every time you pass one, they typically look at you and wave back, confused. They're busy trying to remember where they know you from, but assume you're friends so they don't hassle you... even turn a blind eye if you're doing something stupid.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
I knew a woman who wore a large jingle bell to work. She planned to wear it all through the holiday season. It obviously made a deeper sound than the small ones, so I called it her cow bell. She got insulted and stopped wearing it. Well... that's actually not all she stopped wearing around me... :love
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Philosophy class pissed me off.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
Guilty.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Fucker I used to work with always tried to get people to buy him lunch. "Please? It's my birthday!" "You said your birthday was last week." "It's really my birthday this time." "You've said that 4 times this season." "So you're calling me a liar?" "I can access the department birthday list."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Or point a shotgun and watch them speed up.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
I shit you not, one of my friends actually listens to his media files at high speed just so he can get through more of them. Typically he's either watching video podcasts or listening to mp3s while he does his homework.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
That reminds me. Read a book called "Door Man." It's amusing.
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
I always wanted to put a $20 in the bar's jukebox to loop a song just before leaving.
97. Never break eye contact.
I did that shit all summer long on the islands. I found out most of the girls there found me pretty darned attractive (bad taste), so I just maintained eye contact with 'em and watched 'em get flustered. I actually didn't realize brownies could blush.
Odd. The Smilies window has these two next to each other:
:girlyfai::ranger2
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
I always wanted to put a $20 in the bar's jukebox to loop a song just before leaving.
My brother tried this at his last birthday outing.
Unfortunately, the jukebox prevented repeated song selections...
So instead, he discovered that he could alternate. Song 1, Song 2. Song 1, Song 3. ;)