It sounds like she wants you to step in, but if that's wrong I think if you told her how you felt and she didn't feel the same that you could easily go back to being friends.
BUT you should only tell her how you feel if you are ready to be a father to her baby. That baby will be hers for the rest of her life so if you want her you have to want the baby and treat him as if he were your own child. You're still young and a few years down the road you might feel like you weren't ready to be a parent and grow bitter towards her or the baby. This is serious stuff, sir, so think hard about how you feel and how serious you are.
Ok, some advice...am I just being retarded?
Here's the deal....Some of you may know, I am married, seperated for 2.3 years, married for 2.9...yeah, fucked up situation some of you may know, not getting into that. I met this girl Stephanie when I was 12, and we dated (well, whatever it is at 12) for about a week and broke up. I am 23 now and we have been best friends ever since, I've sat and listened to her problems with guys, and she's done the same for me. At times we were more than friends, alwasys briefly and returned to being friends. There were other times where we would talk about being serious again, but one of us would be involved in another relationship...
Then I met Jen, my wife, Steph met some guy(forget his name, Bob, I think, but i digress) me and steph didnt speak for about a year, she lived with him, I lived with and married Jen. Me and Jen seperated, and I was kinda out of it for about 5-6 months. I decided me and Steph needed to be in contact because I needed a friend. Turns out she did too, as she and said guy split up and luckily she was back living at home so it was no trouble to get a hold of her.
It was back to normal, we were both 21+ so we hung out at the bars, just friends. Well, then she met Brian, they started dating, and I got to hear all the good shit about him and what a dick he was, of course she doesnt see that, and we were just becoming close friends again so I didnt want to push the boundary. So, one day she calls me and says we need to talk, so we meet up at the lake where we walk, and she tells me shes pregnant, shes keepeing it, and shes moving in with Brian. Now I would NEVER tell a woman not to have a baby, that is her choice, but dammit if it wasnt hard as hell to hold back, but I bit my tongue and let her know that I am there for her regardless of what is going on.
Baby is born, named Tyler Jacob, and he is adorable. After about 6 months(this past January) she cant stand living at his house anymore she moves back home, and they are kinda on the rocks. She calls me everyday at this point and I'm hanging out with her from 930am-till about 3pm daily(still) and then again at night if Brian takes the baby. Now, here's my dilemma, I made a comment to her one time, after she told me Brian(who up until this point has never had a problem with me and her being friends) blows up at her saying something about "ahh just go out with your boyfriend Ryan), I said "Well I'm just your gay friend anyway, whats he pissed about?" She says"oh he knows your not gay, I tell him all the time, I chose the wrong man" At that point, I'm confused as shit because Ive been having feelings for her again for a while now and that made me think theres a glimmer of hope.
Now, I havent told her how I feel and thats because Brian still comes over nightly to see Tyler, and it seems like every other day they are either arguing or getting along fine. He has a job, but he rarely goes in(the common back pain lazy ass excuse) he's atticted to perks, and does little to support Tyler financially. BUT, but I dont tell her how I feel because if she thnks being with him is best for Tyler, I run the risk of losing a friend and I dont want that. Am I right to not say anything, or should I continue to suffer until they end completely(if they do)?
Guest
19 years ago
Linus
19 years ago
see thats the thing when i met my wife she was 3 months pregnant, and I was a father to him for 3 1/2 years before she took him away from me. Thats another part of my apprehension, i cannot go through that again, though comparing steph to jen is like apples to oranges.
ROzbeans
19 years ago
Go for it, Linus. Tell her how you feel, but dont get into what kind of jerk he is. She probably already knows and you don tneed to start anymore shit between the three of you. Tell her you care about her. All of her. And I know you'd be a good pa to the kiddo, you were to your ex tramp of a wife. If you tell her and its akward, you wont lose her, not if your friendship is strong. Might confuse her but she'd probably appreciate a little honesty in her life.
GO MAN, GO!
GO MAN, GO!
Verileah
19 years ago
I agree that it's good to tell her the truth. But, she may not be ready for a relationship with anyone at this point, so really the ball needs to be in her court. She has this other relationship to work out one way or another, and a child to think about. No matter what, Brian will always be that child's father, so in one form or another he will be in your life should you choose to share it with Steph. My opinion is that you should be a good and loyal friend to Steph and wait until she's sure of what she wants to do before you take it further without forcing her into rushing into a choice too soon. This would give you some time to be sure as well. There is nothing wrong with speaking the truth but acting with discretion and reason while life catches up with emotion.
That's just my take on it though. Sounds like the two of you have been on a very rocky road and I hope you both can achieve happiness.
That's just my take on it though. Sounds like the two of you have been on a very rocky road and I hope you both can achieve happiness.
Linus
19 years ago
Linus
19 years ago
Verileah, thats where this post came from, I was thinking the same thing. This is getting awful, sometimes when I'm out, I dont get good cellphone signal, so I decided staying hom to wait for her to call was a good idea. Feels like highschool all over again.
Linus
19 years ago
So in the end, she talked to me about all this, and we decided it is best to wait until all of the custody and child support is taken care of before we go down this road...waiting is the hardest part.
Aziyade
19 years ago
It sounds to me like she will be worth the wait, Linus. You'll be the best decision she's every made imo. Good luck, Linus!
ROzbeans
19 years ago
/claps! 
ssoulz
19 years ago
tell her how you feel bro. just don't make her feel like she has to make a decision. let her know how you feel about her and leave it at that for now. what comes from that is what will come from it.
Larene_Stormfire
19 years ago
For once I agree with Ssoulz, tell her how you feel, in your heart of hearts. Tell you that you will always be there for her no matter what and leave it at th at.
My husband and I met in 1985 in Weisbaden Germany. We dated for a while and lost touch several years later we ran into each other in Korea and the same thing happened. Then Ft Bliss. ( both of us married this time ) Then we lost touch for a very long time............he found me thru a mutual friend on the net......in 98 We've been together ever since
Sometimes the best kind of love is the one youre willing to wait for.
My husband and I met in 1985 in Weisbaden Germany. We dated for a while and lost touch several years later we ran into each other in Korea and the same thing happened. Then Ft Bliss. ( both of us married this time ) Then we lost touch for a very long time............he found me thru a mutual friend on the net......in 98 We've been together ever since
Sometimes the best kind of love is the one youre willing to wait for.
Identikit
19 years ago
well man, its your life, if this is something good passing you by, its up to you wether you think you want to take it up or not. Love is a leap of blind faith at times man.
Prosecution
19 years ago
Make a decision and do it without regrets. With the relationship and kid issue.
I think the saying "you can't steal second with your foot on first"
applies in this situation.
Prosecution
I think the saying "you can't steal second with your foot on first"
applies in this situation.
Prosecution
Geeii
19 years ago
I agree with Pro -
Do what you feel is right - I know you two already talked, and it is a good idea to figure out child custody stuff, but if you are willing to be by her side through it all, + for you man. Tell her that waiting IS the hardest part, but you are willing to do it. She sounds very special to you, and it seems that even if she decides it is better to remain friends, you will feel better - you did all you could, regrets eat you from the inside - and the honesty will strengthen and deepen your already great friendship.
It sucks man, I have been there. We are solidly friends, now. I don't regret anything we did, or said - so take a risk (coming from the biggest pussy ever) and trust your intuition.
Do what you feel is right - I know you two already talked, and it is a good idea to figure out child custody stuff, but if you are willing to be by her side through it all, + for you man. Tell her that waiting IS the hardest part, but you are willing to do it. She sounds very special to you, and it seems that even if she decides it is better to remain friends, you will feel better - you did all you could, regrets eat you from the inside - and the honesty will strengthen and deepen your already great friendship.
It sucks man, I have been there. We are solidly friends, now. I don't regret anything we did, or said - so take a risk (coming from the biggest pussy ever) and trust your intuition.
Linus
19 years ago
Oh, I will never regret anything with her, we talked, like I said above, and now its harder(for me) than ever. I'm with her for about 6 hours everyday I am home and I get to hear about what an ass he is, nothing intentional on her part, shes just going like nothing is differetn, which is fine if thats what she needs, but damn it's tough. For now, I am still the same for her, a shoulder to lean on, but when this happens, thats it for me. She did call one of our "outings" a date Sunday night though which surprised me, because it was what we always do, go to the bar.
Linus
19 years ago
Thanks for the answers though guys, really. I was very unsure what to do, and if she hadn't pre-empted me, I would have used someones ideas!
Danq
19 years ago
Props to you for taking the high road Linus. Its definitely the hardest. I was in a situation at one point that felt like yours, although the circumstances were different... if that makes sense. No matter what happens stick up for yourself, and regardless of where this particular road leads you'll be better off having known that you were willing to take the plunge regardless of the outcome. 