Secrets of a happy marriage
Sorry if this is a repost. It probably is...and it has dirty words in it.
Secrets of a happy marriage
A couple had only been married for two weeks. The
husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to
go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right
back." Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened
the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of
beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan,
India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing
that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop.... but at the
bar...you know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife
interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was
getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie
Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really
delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise...OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened
the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
"But my sweet honey...at the bar....you know, there's
swearing, dirty words, and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP DICKHEAD!
SIT DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR GAWD DAMN BEER
IN YOUR GAWD DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT
YOUR FUCKING HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS
ISN'T GOING TO A FUCKING BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER...GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
....and, they lived happily ever after.
I find he tollerates my bitchiness much better should he have a full belly of doing what he wants too. haha
A married couple had been married for 75 years. A reporter from the local paper was doing an interview with them, trying to get the secret to a healthly long marriage.
"So, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Tell me, what is the secret?"
Mr. Smith replied while smiling lovingly to his wife. "You see, on our honeymoon we took a trip to the Grand Canyon. During our time there we went on a donkey ride to the bottom of the canyon. Ahh, yes, such a beautiful place that is."
The reporter nodded, making small notes in his pad.
"Anyway...on the way down on our donkeys,", Mr. Smith continued, "my wifes donkey stumbled once. She petted the donkey on the head and said 'Thats one.' I looked at my wife a little puzzled, but said nothing. A little ways down, her donkey stumbled again. And, as the first time, she pet the donkey on his head and said sweetly, 'That's two.'. I gave her a look of confusion, but said nothing. Then, the donkey stumbled yet again! Then my wife took out a shotgun and promptly shot the donkey in the head, kiling it instantly. Well, lemme tell ya sonny boy, I flew off the handle. 'What the hell did you do that for?! What are you thinking!?'.
"My wife looked at me, smiled and said, 'Thats one.' And, we've been happy ever since!"
Don't know if it will work with Anu though..
