A short story with characters from Clerks and Chasing Amy

I wrote this a while back, hope ya like it:

“I told you man, this scene is for tools,” Randal said over his glass of Pete’s.
Dante looked away from the girl he’d been scanning; “Come on! We barely got here.”
“Yeah, and already I feel my soul withering into a ball in my stomach.”
“Oh it’s not that bad.” Dante looked around the crowded, smoke-filled bar. “Holy shit, isn’t that Alyssa Jones?”
“Where?” This got Randal’s attention.
“She just went in the bathroom.” Dante turned to Randal again. “She really did a number on Holden.”
Randal grinned. He hadn’t heard from Holden in ages. “Yeah, did you see that gay comic he did about it?”
“I thought it was kind of sweet.” Dante thought again of the heart and personal feelings that had went into that comic…he still had a copy of it. “Parts of it really explained why my relationship with Caitlin never worked out.”
“Besides the whole fucking a dead guy thing?”
“Randal, have you ever stopped to wonder why you never get laid?”
“Of course, women see me as a sexual predator. They’re intimidated by my confidence and intellect.”
Dante rolled his eyes. “That or you’re the most negative guy on the planet.”
“I am not!”
“You are! You never have anything positive to say about anything. Politics, people, Episode 2…it’s all doom and gloom with you, and girls can see it a mile away.”
Randal mumbled a reply. It was rare that he let Dante have the last say on anything, especially if it was why he never got laid. That wasn’t true though, he got laid sometimes. Sure it’d been awhile but everyone had dry spells, right?
Maybe his dull-witted chum was finally right about something. Randal ordered another beer and turned to the blonde that had stepped up to the bar next to him.
“Hey, you’re Alyssa Jones, yeah?”
She gave him this weird look but kind of smiled. “Yeah…you are…?”
Randal smiled. “A date rapist, judging by the look you gave me. Look, if you wanna be left alone…” he started to turn away when she grabbed his arm.
“No! I’m sorry, I just…you kind of surprised me.”
“Sorry. I’m Randal Graves.” He stuck out his hand.
“Rand—I’ve heard of you! Didn’t you dig up Julie Dwyer’s corpse or something?”
“What? No, I knocked the coffin over, but that hardly qualifies as necrophilia.”
“Weren’t you also the guy that worked at the video store? RST?”
“Work? I’m still living out the fantasy and dancing the night away.”
“What?” She laughed, which was a step in the right direction. He waved the question away as a joke.
“So what’s a big comic hero like you doing back in this little hell hole?”
“So you’ve seen my comic?”
“Seen it? I love it! Chick stuff, but…”
“Well thanks! I’m in town for the reunion. God I don’t know why I even come to these things. They’re so depressing.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Randal said. “It’s all about who got more successful or who turned into a lesbian after I dated them…”
Alyssa laughed again. “It’s the same thing for me. Everyone kept asking when I was going to get a real job instead of writing some under-distributed hearts-and-butterflies comic book.”
“Why stop though? I mean, you obviously found something you love, right? Same reason I’m still at RST. I love movies, I love watching them, and love watching them for free even more.”
“You ever consider making one?” Alyssa asked.
“Sure but about what? Working in a video store? Who the hell would wanna watch that?”
“True. And I suppose you’d have to find a producer first, right?”
“That or max out my credit cards and leech my family dry. More so, I mean.”
“Well, it never hurts to try though.”
“In my experience trying can hurt very much. But you can’t let that get in your way. Otherwise you’d be slightly overweight, no college education, monkeying a cash register in your late twenties.”
“What?” Alyssa looked confused.
“Did you say my name?” Dante leaned in. Randal knew he’d been eavesdropping.
“Alyssa, this is Dante, Da—“
“I know you! You dated Caitlin.” Alyssa said, and they shook hands.
“Yup, all through high school.”
“But weren’t you with her when she fucked that guy in the Quick Stop?”
“Well, I didn’t help her put it in if that’s what you mean. But yes, we were supposed to go out that night. The two of you were friends, right?”
“At first.”
“What do you mean,” Dante asked.
“Wellllllll…we kind of experimented a few times…. in high school.”
“What? While I was dating her?”
“I guess. She told me there was this guy she was seeing that couldn’t ever really satisfy her.”
“What?” Dante’s eyes were huge. So were Randal’s, at the thought of hot girl on girl.
“You’re a lesbian?” Randal asked.
“Off and on, yeah.”
“That’s nine!” Dante slapped his forehead. “She cheated on me nine times!”
“Nine and a half,” Randal turned back to Alyssa. “Well this is the first time a girl switched teams before I dated her. Am I really that repelling?”
Alyssa laughed. “You’re not repelling. You’re cute. A little on the negative said, but that’s kind of a turn on.”
Dante butted in. “Look, are you ready to go? I need to hang myself in the closet.”
“Go? What go?” Randal asked. “We just got here.”
“Look, I just found out that the one woman I’ve ever loved—“
“What about Veronica?”
“Ok, so one of the women I’ve loved was a part time lesbian.” He looked at Alyssa. “No offense.”
“None taken. Sorry to be the one to tell you.”
“On top of that, I find out I’m the one that drove her to it. I’d like a little time alone.”
“Outside the twenty three hours a day you spend by yourself as it is?” Randal couldn’t see why he was so upset. He always got kind of turned on thinking that a girl he’d been with was getting with another girl. Maybe some fisting, maybe a strap-on…
“Randal, if you don’t mind…”
“Look, go home, slit your wrist, if you live through the night, pick me up for work in the morning.” Randal rolled his eyes for Alyssa’s benefit.
“Are you sure you can get a ride?” Dante asked, putting on his coat.
Randal looked at Alyssa.
Alyssa looked at Dante. “Don’t worry, he’ll get a ride.”
“Well, call me when you get in. If I haven’t overdosed on my dad’s twelve-gauge…”
“Hold on a sec,” Randal said to Alyssa. He walked Dante out to the car. “Look, man, you’re taking this way too hard…”
“Too hard? I’m taking it too hard that I drove my girlfriend into the arms of another woman?”
“Dante it was years ago! She’s in a fucking mental home, OK? I’d say you have less of a shot at ever getting back with Kaitlin than I have getting Princess Leia in the sack!”
“Once again, Randal Graves, ladies and gentleman. Able to put a positive spin on anything.”
“Dante, look.” Randal put a hand on his friends shoulder. “You’re too good of a guy to stay obsessed with her. Everything you put into that is something you can’t give to someone else. And you will find someone else, as long as you get you’re fool head in the now instead of dwelling on all your past inadequacies.”
“Hey, thanks man…that means a lot to me…” Dante hugged him. Randal hugged him back.
At the same time they pulled apart and said; “Fag!”
“Now if you excuse me, I have a lesbian to woo.” Randal watched his friend get in his car and drive off, and then went back in the bar.
“Is he OK?” Alyssa looked worried.
“Him? He’s Iron Man.”
“So who are you?”
“Who am I what?”
“Well if he’s Iron Man, who are you?”
“Ah. Wait, can I change Dante’s?”
“No,” she laughed. “Who are you?”
“I’m Batman.”
Alyssa stared hard at him, looked him up and down. “You are Batman, aren’t you? Broody, gritty, hip, edgy…lonely…”
“Hey who says Randal is lonely?”
“Does Randal always call himself by his first name?”
“No…I…”
“Stop being Batman. Show me Bruce Wayne.”
Randal smiled. “Is that what you call it?”
“Pervert! But seriously, Randal…I can see someone in there that is really worth knowing if he can ever get out of his cape and cowl.”
He took a long slow drink, finishing off his beer. Randal set the empty glass on the bar and turned to Alyssa. “OK. I’m alone.”
“Not anymore you’re not. Let’s get out of here.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
“One thing,” Alyssa said. “I’ve been fucked by two guys, videotaped while having sex, tied up, tied down, fisted, fondled and fucked in every way you can imagine. Is this a problem for you?”
“Are you kidding? Marry me!”
“OK. I had to check, some of you small town boys can be so close minded…”
Randal and Alyssa walked hand-in-hand, out of the bar, and into the rest of their lives.