Autumn

I have kind of a bizarre writing style when I write stories, they end up kinda sounding like poems in a way..Almost too descriptive.

I'll just Post a bit of it. Since its long, and then in a bit i'll reply to the thread with more.


Crisp orange leaves glide down gently from the naked trees., free at last, at least until the morning breeze comes and takes control. They coat the dew covered blades that protrude from the ground. Like small green feelers. Except for a small space that is occupied by a small gray stone. On top of the pebble sits a bright vibrant creature. That shines in contrast to the speckled stone. Like the sunrise in the morning. Orangish red like splattered paint on a blank canvas. A salamander small and confused sits on the stone. Its small purple toes grip the sides curling around it. Embracing the stone with some sort of twisted love. Unaware of his surroundings. Squatting cautiously behind the salamander covered stone kneels a woman. Although her features are that of a young woman. Her mind is that of a scared child. A curiously, lonely, scared and confused mind. Her pale feminine hand reaches out to the reptile. It recoils. The salamander is timid and frightened of the hand. But soon the tiny reptile's toes curl around her long fingers. The salamander, although it is afraid and uncertain it has decided an affair with the woman's hand is worth it for the time being. It is gentle and warm. Everything the rough gray stone was not. A brillant smile emitting from her beaming face. Her heart had slowed to a relaxing pace. But their love affair would not last very long.

"Miss, outdoor recreation is over" A voice bellowed a few yards behind the strange couple. "Autumn, it is time to go back inside sweetheart" A smooth hand grasped her shoulder lightly. The skin was the color of milk chocolate. The fingernails that were attached to the hand were long and red. Autumn paused at this action then let her little lover climb into her sleeve. Hiding itself fom the dark woman. Turning around to meet the face of the woman. Her hair shining as the sun peeks out from behind a nasty storm cloud. "Carol Anne" the name tag that hung slightly crooked on the pocket of the womans shirt read. Small print beneath the name made sure that all the patients knew she was head nurse. "The sun isn't afraid" Autumn comments, entranced by the glowing ball of light that was swollen behind the dark cloud. "Oh dear, Autumn don't stare at the sun, it'll make you blind" The nurse sighed. Most of them did when dealing with the girl. "Why?" Autumn frowned and continued being sucked into staring at the orb that hung from the sky. "Because its bad for your eyes, Autumn stop that" Carol anne jerked on Autumns wrist. Which had an unremovable bracelet with her name, age, disability and ID #. "But the sun, likes the rain, because it makes flowers. They make love and their children sprout from the earth. The earth is the belly of the clouds, and the father is the sun" Autumn showed pride in her theory. "They have sex in the sky" She added while her eyes drifted to a rose that opened up and pointed itself at the sun.

ROzbeans 18 years ago
Very good description, although I noticed that you have some grammatical errors. You tend to have more fragmented sentences. You separate your thoughts when you could easily use a comma. Example:

The salamander is timid and frightened of the hand. But soon the tiny reptile's toes curl around her long fingers.


Also your speech needs either a period or a comma.

Miss, outdoor recreation is over"


You also have 2 people speaking in the same paragraph. Start a new paragrah when switching back and forth, otherwise it's hard to follow.

Nice job and welcome to TAC, Sierra! =D