Your Zombie Plan.

This is an extremely popular subject in our home. Mike has an insaitable need to read and watch zombie/survival movies. We have a LARGE collection of '...of the dead' movies and I enjoy them as well.

The other day I was talking to our kiddo's college aged babysitter and she told me of some web comic strip (blue vs red or something) that featured an interesting question.

'What's your zombie plan?'

So if the world was suddenly populated with flesh eating zombies running wild in the street, the news reporting the living dead walking around, eating your family pet and then your grandmother...what would you do? What's your plan? In all seriousness, with what's available around you, would you head for the hills, head for the army and highest concentration of non human eating humans? Would you hole up in your house? Would you feed your neighbor to the zombies as a distraction to get away?

What's your zombie plan?

Temprah 17 years ago
you have to be kidding me, I thought I was the most insnae, paranoid, freaky person in the world because I think about this all the time.. Zombies are the most scarey thing in the world to me (ok next to snakes)

My plan involves gathering up all of the swords and stuff we have and loading up the pets in the car, heading across town to grab the rest of my family and then getting the hell out of dodge and into the hills. Either that or get them and go hole up in the nuclear fallout shelter underneath my old highschool.

Or just drive to Ellington airforce base, which is like 5 minutes from my house.. if the city is already too overrun to make it to my family.

Did I mention I think of this a lot?
blazyn 17 years ago
Now that I live in lubbock I think if i got out of town I'd be fine..outside lubbock there is absolutely nothing so I would load up all our firearms and food and my dog and head for the mountains in new mexico
Gylius 17 years ago
Isn't the point of a true Zombie situation is that there are far too many of them to really get away? Eventually they'll just overrun you with numbers, and willpower?

Really though I would just use some Zombie DNA, some high level science, and make myself a hybrid Zombie/Human. From there I would terrorize humans non stop. I would be a thinking Zombie. Better than mere mortals.
Den 17 years ago
No, no, no! You grab all your family, friends, and supplies, then find the closest missle silo, and take up residence. Then you take turns bombing the heck out of the freaking dead things.
Four Winds 17 years ago
Anyone got Bruce Campbell's number? He'll know what to do.
Mylec 17 years ago
I'd run out into the middle of the street with my friends and family and start doing the "thriller" dance!
Xandare 17 years ago
I would unleash my Dark Necromantic powers and dominate a small army of zombies to be my servants and defend my mansion, where I would live like a king!
/evil
Prosecution 17 years ago
1.) Swords, need 2. Why? They don't run out of ammo.
2,) A good fort. Malls work well. Food, water, supplies. All available at your mall.
3.) People. The more around, the more people to screw up. But also the more people to watch your back. Make sure there is at least one token black person, they always die first. If Joe the black guy dies, you know its time to step it up (and get a new black guy) because the zombies are starting to knock off main characters, and you probably have about 30 minutes (or 5 scenes left).
4.) A big ass diesal truck. Because running over things is fun.
5.) Sex. Why not. Just not with zombies. Or with zombies if your into that sorta thing. I am not.
6.) B.D Wong. Someones gotta come up the cure to the zombie plague, or clone a Velasaraptor. One or the other.

Thats all I got.

Pros.
Mileron 17 years ago
Prosecution;72435
1.) Swords, need 2. Why? They don't run out of ammo.

Make sure one is a Katana-alike and that you have a full outfit of some sort of black clothing. Ninja Zombie Fighter ftw!
2,) A good fort. Malls work well. Food, water, supplies. All available at your mall.

Disagree. Too many entry points to cover and they're not very defensible.
Better off getting a hospital.
3.) People. The more around, the more people to screw up. But also the more people to watch your back. Make sure there is at least one token black person, they always die first. If Joe the black guy dies, you know its time to step it up (and get a new black guy) because the zombies are starting to knock off main characters, and you probably have about 30 minutes (or 5 scenes left).

Can't forget the perennial drunkard with a penchant for poetic wisdom.
4.) A big ass diesal truck. Because running over things is fun.

Construction equipment is more fun, though if you're in the right corner of the world monster trucks might be a commodity.
5.) Sex. Why not. Just not with zombies. Or with zombies if your into that sorta thing. I am not.

Though you might be the only two humans left alive, still make sure you have condoms, because it wouldn't do to have to protect her in labor while slavering zombies are gnashing nearby.
6.) B.D Wong. Someones gotta come up the cure to the zombie plague, or clone a Velasaraptor. One or the other.

I can't imagine zombie meat to be too terribly tantalizing. I'd much rather have Chris Knight and a freakin' huge plane-based laser beam.
Prosecution 17 years ago
7.) Oh and Jennifer Lopez. I need her to check if the coast is clear. TThink of it like this: "Hey, these are fast zombies, we should probably check to see if there are any out there before we make a dash to the truck. J Lo, your up. Run out there and check for zombies."
Vebran 17 years ago
Sadly, it would involve staying up here in the Great White North.
1. It is cold for much of the year=frozen zombies
*During the spring break-up, you go zombie hunting, cold to warm=sluggish zombies
2. Low population=not many zombies to deal with
*You can have your malls and hospitals with millions of zombies milling around, I guarantee that they won't migrate up through Canada, then back down through Alaska
3. Farmland. People don't believe that there is farmland up here, but you would need something other than the moose and bear meat to sustain you through the winter
4. Military bases. Guns, ammo, medicine, mechanical parts, etc. All you could ever need/want
5. It's Alaska! What better place to get stuck than a part of the country where you have more people with more guns and ammo.
Calimaryn 17 years ago
I am with X. I would rule the zombies with an silk clad iron fist and a seal clubbing club. Er.... scratch that last bit, those only work on zmobies.
Rikr 17 years ago
Mylec;72425
I'd run out into the middle of the street with my friends and family and start doing the "thriller" dance!



I have to say that I think this would be the best solution to the problem. LOL.
Kharnage 17 years ago
1) Get my Shotgun and 9mm semi auto pistol loaded up, as well as mt scoped 30-06 rifle
2) Sharpen my carbon steel war axe. ( yes I actually own a battleaxe)
3) Load up my truck with supplies.
4) -optional- rob local BassPro for extra supplies.
5) Contact all friends ad family members in a conference call and tell em where to go.
6) Go to the old farm where i used to deer hunt and meet family and friends there.
7) Drink Beer.
8) Begin contest to see who can pop a zombie in the face at the farthest range. (pretty sure I will win this.)
9) Attempt to contact military for evac.
10) Snipe more zombies.


Rednecks can survive any situation as long as beer and ammo hold out.

P.S. Pros, my Axe pwnz you swords.
ROzbeans 17 years ago
I googled zombie plan and found this:

First things first, you have to know your enemy. Zombies come in two flavors: fast and slow. Fast are definitely cool, but you'll need more than a baseball bat and a pair of running sneakers to survive that zombie attack. Slow zombies - well why the heck would anyone die from a slow zombie? If you can't get away from a slow zombie, you earned dismemberment.

Let's suppose that you made it through the first 10 minutes of the zombie-fest, and while most of your town are looking for live flesh to feast on, you're wondering how to hot-wire a car and get out of town. You need a plan of action...

Preparation

I'm assuming the reader isn't currently experiencing a zombie outbreak. If you are, skip down to the next section.

Preparing now for zombiedom is a good idea. Remember what the TV preacher said, "When hell is full, the dead will walk the earth." So it's bound to happen sooner or later. Since it would look wierd if you started bricking up your windows and stockpiling rifles, you have to be smart about this.

First, get to know the guy in town who bought a pallet of Spam to survive Y2K. He probably still has a ton of that stuff around, and knows all the good hiding places.

Next, scout out all the big box retailers that carry ammo and food. Not too many eh? Tough luck, blue-stater. Someplace like WalMart is ideal, especially with the Garden Center for seed and stuff for longterm survival. A big bonus would be a nearby Home Depot or some such place so you can get plenty of lumber and quick-mix concrete for fortification.

While you're preparing, always keep in mind locations where people congregate - you're likely to find lots of zombies there when things turn ugly. Highways, malls, and schools are especially bad. You also might want to mention to your friends and family in passing how well your hiding place could be defended, etc. That way, when the zombies come, they'll remember you said that and come help you. I don't recommend telling them you're preparing for a zombie invasion.

First, the Fun Stuff

After your initial panic, it's important to remember that a significant component of your surivival is the demise of the ghouls trying to get your tasty brains. Despite some reports to the contrary, the only way to permanently un-animate a zombie is to destroy its brain. This isn't rocket science (although that would be a cool way to do it). A gunshot to the head is the most direct way to disable a zombie, but not the only way. Decapitation also works, although the head will probably still function so don't let it bite you. If you survive long enough, and society collapses along with any hope of rescue, you'll need to develop some means of skull penetration that doesn't involve guns - a professional bowhunting setup works if you can get it. You might be squeamish at first, taking out your neighbors; with time this will pass, you might even adopt a gleeful hangman's sense of humor in your executions.

Run or Hide

This is a no-brainer. You gotta hole up somewhere eventually, but pick carefully. Let's say that the outbreak is localized to your city, but you know that the neighboring town is zombie-free. Flee to the neighboring town. I know this sounds obvious, but don't sit around waiting for grandma to bite you. Get to the safe town, find a gun store, and join the Minuteman Militia.

But that isn't much fun, so let's think about what you'd do if the whole country is overrun. Since you already did your prep work, make a bee line for the WalMart you picked out earlier. Hot Tip: Pick a new WalMart if you can. Zombies tend try to do the things they were doing when they were alive, so they're gonna head to the mall, or WalMart, or school... you get the idea. And since we're on the subject, malls are a bad place to hole up in. Too many entrances, and not enough goodies for long term survival.

In short, pick a new general merchandise or grocery big box store. You get lots of canned food to eat, and only one or two large entrances to guard.

Use the Buddy System

Don't be a dummy. If your buddy is bitten by a zombie, shoot him in the head and get it over with. Otherwise, gather the refugees, Rambo, and lead them to safety. People will follow anyone who acts like they know what they're doing, and you need the manpower to subdue the throngs at WalMart.

Not to mention that a good zombie attack needs plenty of extras.

Since the average WalMart has enough food to keep a few thousand people fed for a week or more, you should have enough staples to get by for a few months if you limit your group to around 100 or so. There's a trade-off here between having enough people to defend your fort, and enough food to keep them fed. I don't know if zombies are edible, but that's a possibility if things get rough. It's not really cannibalism, is it?

The basic idea to get from this section is, have enough people to root out the zombies and block the entrances, but not so many people that you have to ration the food heavily. Also, make sure you have some girls. Preferably hot chicks, but in the absence of those some tough biker babes would work.

Zen and the Art of Fortification

How lame is this... you and a few buddies are holed up in a mall, with who knows how many entrances, and instead of bricking up the glass you eat hot dogs on the fine china Macy's?

First, you aren't going to do that, because you already picked out the big box retailer you're taking over. Second, you're going to spend the first day sealing all entrances. If you chose wisely, you have a store with some kind of concrete mix in it, or a home building center nearby. As soon as you've cleared the store of zombies, and maybe even before, you need to brick up the glass entrances. You can worry about the others later, they're smaller and harder to open from the outside anyway.

Be generous and thorough with your fortification. A few pieces of lumber nailed up is OK for an emergency start, but don't forget to make it permanent. You might consider some kind of buttress design as well, since I'm not sure what kind of force thousands of zombies could put on an amateur brickwork.

Finally, don't make the mistake of assuming your fortifications will hold. Check them everyday, measuring the wall to make sure it hasn't moved. You also might consider building a second wall in case the first gets broken through.

T-Shirts aren't Bite Proof

This is one I've never figured out. Zombification occurs shortly after being bit by a zombie. So why are people running around in t-shirts for days and weeks after Z-Day? Get some freakin armor! Thick leather will work in the short term. Later on, get some aluminum siding or something else metallic and affix it to your clothes. Even zombies can't bite through that stuff. Important areas to protect include the forearms, neck, and legs. Just make sure it's flexible enough to give you some freedom of movement. Helmets are a good idea too, but anything other than motorcycle helmets would look dorky, and I'd rather be a zombie than a dork with a pail on my head.

Long Term Survival

Let's recap: you've survived the initial zombie invasion, banded together a few dozen survivors, and fortified a big box retail store with plenty of food and goodies. So what's your long term prognosis? Not good.

You'll eventually run out of water, canned food, and fuel for the generator. In fact, you'll be in the dark in a day or two, and the water will be gone shortly after that. Unless, of course, you don't panic, and plan ahead. Don't worry, I'll help you out.

If you took a WalMart like I told you, you don't need to worry too much about lighting. The skylights do a fair job of illumination during the day, and battery powered flashlights will be OK at night time. But if you're brave, you can venture outside to get fuel from filling station. And if you're lucky, you'll find a tanker truck to drive back to home base. Personally, I'd rather live in the dark. It might be a good idea to keep a CB radio in your car for just this type of event, and try to get a trucker to bring the tanker to your fort when Z-Day arrives.

For water and food, I can help you out there. The first thing to do after securing your fort is fill every container in the store with tap water. You might have a few days of water available, but I wouldn't count on it. Electricity, water, and sewage will disappear soon, so you want all the drinking water you can get.

Now that you've got that straightened out, you're going to become a farmer. Lucky for you, the Garden Center has lots of seeds and soil, and the store has a big roof for planting. This is a good time to learn the art of composting and water filtration - your alternative to the toilet. I'd place that on the roof too, otherwise things could get smelly inside.

So now you are set. You've butressed the walls to protect against the press of the zombies, you have a few dozen armed followers, and enough veggies to keep everyone fed. You can hold out here for years.

Epilogue

What happens next depends on a lot of variables. Are there any other survivors? I can imagine a naval fleet having no problems defending itself from zombies. Nuclear powered submarines should be especially safe, they can run for decades. Maybe enough people survived somewhere to come rescue you. If everyone else is zombied, well that would suck.

How long will zombies "live"? This has never been addressed, to my knowledge. Even though they're dead, they still maintain some kind of metabolism and thought process. You'd think that eventually they'll cease activity and it will be safe enough to venture out. Then again, they might be immortal, in which case you are screwed. It's kinda hard to kill 6 billion zombies with just a few 22s and a shotgun.

In any case, I hope I've helped you in formulating your own zombie survival plan.