Need to vent
Ok does everyone have a type-A personality in their family so they can relate to my plight? :P My sister almost always tests my patience to the limit whenever and wherever I have to deal with her. I love her dearly but she's such a pain!
The scenario: We were chatting back and forth over email (she lives in VA, I'm in IA) on Friday last week. She mentions she's trying to get a website up and running, it'll have a message board and articles and a store and so on. She says they need people to help with it. I offer to help. She asks if I can edit articles. Sure! She also mentions they need a message board moderator. Well, since I've done that before, I offer to do that also. She says great. I tell her that I wouldn't be able to monitor the message board from work because I'm only supposed to use the internet for work-related stuff (cough), and she might want to have 2 moderators, one to monitor it through the day while I'm working.
I'd like to note one thing. On Thursday last week (the day before we discussed all this, I'd been snowed in at home and couldn't go to work, so we chatted over my home email address instead).
Ok. Saturday she emails me that she's revamped the message boards and would I take a look please and let her know what I think. I had briefly looked it over Friday evening, registered a nick, etc. But I didn't have time after that, mostly because I bought WoW (cough cough) and was busy all weekend. So I didn't respond because I hadn't had a chance to do what she was asking; I figured, I'll respond once I've had a chance to look it over.
Nothing the rest of the weekend. Checking my emails this morning on my way out the door to work, I see an email from her saying "I see you registered at the board, this will be your email address for use while moderating, etc." Didn't ask me anything, nothing to respond to. Besides, I would have been late to work if I had responded. So I didn't respond and came to work, planning on chatting with her here.
When I get to work there's an email:
"I just wanted to make sure you got both my e-mails I sent you at home this weekend. Since I hadn't heard back (and I knew you were snowed in), I thought it was odd that you didn't respond. But, its not like you HAD to if you were busy, but I just wanted to make sure you got them.
If you didn't get them, then I may have the wrong e-mail address for your personal home address...."
Please note what I already mentioned, that I was chatting with her from my home email on Thursday. Now, 4 days later, she's not sure if she has the right email address? She's nagging. She wants me to know she's annoyed that I didn't respond to her emails, never mind that one I didn't get until this morning.
I respond:
"Um, I'm sorry, I don't always work on the computer on the weekends. If helping with your website means I have to respond to every email I get within 24 hours or whatnot, I'm not going to be able to help. In your emails you asked me to look at the message board, etc, and I haven't had time to do that. Since I haven't had time to do that, I haven't had any feedback yet. I'm sorry I wasn't able to look at it yet. I didn't think a response from me was needed immediately."
Now notice I'm trying to be gentle, say I'm sorry, say it's my fault, etc, because if you say anything remotely resembling criticism to her, she freaks out.
Her response:
"I said that it wasn't urgent - that I just wanted to make sure I had the right e-mail address. Then would you be helping from work? I assumed you'd be helping by checking the message boards every evening and then maybe once or twice on the weekends. If you don't have time for that, then maybe this isn't a good idea. "
Um, ok?
I said:
"Um, you said that a.) the message boards weren't ready yet, weren't being done yet, etc. Then your email said that b.) you redid the message boards. I assumed that meant the message boards weren't ready yet. I didn't have a chance to look at the board yet to respond to your email asking what I thought. I didn't respond because I hadn't done it yet. Also to my knowledge, I don't have moderator privileges yet? I assumed you would have told me that I did, and once I did I would be monitoring the message boards. I'm sorta just doing what you're telling me, but you're not telling me what's in your head, and I can't read minds :(
If you don't want me doing it that's fine, but I do need to have moderator privileges to be able to begin my duties as moderator, and I did assume you would let me know once you had that set up.
Your second email wasn't in my email in box at home until this morning. I'm sorry but I couldn't respond to it, because then I would have been late for work.
If you want me to respond to all emails within 3 hours or something like that, please let me know so I don't upset you again, not realizing you were expecting a reply ASAP."
At this point I'm saying screw it. I don't need this crap.
She says:
"Dude, please please please calm down. None of this communication has alterior motives. When I say I'm just checking to make sure your e-mail gets to you, then that all I mean. When I ask you to check out the site when you have time, then that's all I mean. Please don't misconstrue what my "hidden" meanings are because there aren't any. I will always ask you a question and that will be it - just a question.
No, you don't have moderator privileges yet because I want to make sure that you want the job and that you know clearly what we are doing. We haven't talked about it enough as far as I'm concerned to give you moderator privileges yet. I want to talk on the phone first instead of just through e-mail.
But, as I said, I'd like you to be able to check the boards at least once on the weekends and once every evening or every other evening. How do you feel about that? Can that be done? These are the kinds of things I'm not getting a clear answer on. I don't want to get hung up on "you said this" and "you meant that." I don't expect other people working on this site to do that to me either. If Kristen did that, we'd get nothing done with the newsletter. Does that make sense?
Its totally a professional thing and I hope that my being your sister doesn't make you feel like I'm being bossy to you when its just a professional thing. That is what my concern is and that is why I'm thinking it might not work because its happening already....."
Now she's exactly right. She IS bossing me around and it's startingn to tick me off. So I just say "screw it, let's forget it" in an email back. You know what? It's NOT professional to boss and nag your co-workers. I was perfectly willing to do what she needed me to do on that site, and she was nagging from day two. Give me a friggin break, lady!
Jeebus! Grrr. I'm sure y'all will be hearing about my sister more often because she's the only person who causes stress in my life.
Her name is Kathryn and she's three, but it's there...all there. Now don't get me wrong I want her to be strong-willed, self-confident and independant, but not until she's 18. :D
I get into it maybe twice a year like this. I try to avoid anything controversial like this usually. Once, she sent me an article about breastfeeding because it's something important to her (and I have no children so it didn't mean squat to me) and I tried to make polite conversation about it (not giving a hoot) and she got all offended that I wasn't taking it more seriously, etc etc, and it turned into a huge knock-down drag-out and we were disowning each other.
That's the way life is with an anal-retentice spaz.
As a matter of fact, when I told her never mind, that we didn't need to proceed, it was because it wasn't worth fighting with my only sister.
Sorry, I thought this would be an ok place for me to vent. Won't happen again. Will go back to my anonymous blog (shrug)
Seriously though, I think she sounds really stressed out, worried about how things are going to turn out and it is driving her nuts that you are calm and feeling competent and not rushing to handle things that do not yet need handling. And whlle sisters may have an unbreakable bond, if they do not work together well or do not have the same approach to how to handle well, pretty much anything, LOL, there is no sense tugging at that bond and injuring it somehow. Sometimes it works really well to have two totally different approaches to a situation or project or collaboration of any kind, but often when the two people are closely related irl, there is too much of a personal reaction for that same kind of flow.
I love her to death. Shes like a best friend to me. Im even closer to both her children, and would give my life for them just like my own.
That being said, theres no fuggin way in hell id work with my sister every day. lol. I love her, but damn shes the complete opposite of me, and wed fight every day! =P Even if we didnt work together as in side by side, but what you are talking about, through emails, wed still fight. Shes overly sensitive, very easy to piss off, and thinks the world is hell bent on disappointing her with every thing her family does. I on the other hand am patient (normally) not too sensitive, and almost never get pissed at my family.
My advice? Dont ever put an already sensitive relationship in the balance by doing things for family. I did this once and got severly screwed and saved my relationship with my sister only because I was able to bite my tongue and except it. Not many people are as willing to do that. Especially when it was them that got screwed. But then Drade says I have a tendency to let my family run all over me. /shrug
Everyone's welcomed to bitch and vent every now and again. Lets all just remember we're women and...well you know how we are hehe.
:yes
/duck
I can see how you would be frusterated, but as a type A person, I can also see how your sister would want a response to at least know you *saw* her e-mails.
I'm very guilty of this sort of thing with my boyfriend. I'll say, "So, do you want to come to the store with me?" And he'll say sure, and the continue whatever he was doing. What I meant was, "Do you want to stop what you're doing and come to the store with me NOW."
It comes across as us being pushy and controlling, but really all it boils down to is that our attention happens to be focused on a particular activity right this instant, and we want results. From ourselves, from everyone around us, and we can't understand what is taking so long, when we are ready NOW =)
Hopefully you guys worked out your differences and are ok now =)