Personally the argument on keeping brain dead people alive is just horrific. I would not want to be kept alive on a machine. If it comes to that, I've told Vebran to yank the plug or I'd hunt him in death. If I can live without the machine and I just wont wake up, give me a year.
My high school best friend's grandmother shot herself when she found out she had cancer. Now, that's a drastic way to go. I mean literally she got the news and pulled the trigger. It was disturbing. I suppose that's different but its still assisted suicide, just with a gun.
You see these lifetime movies about spouses helping their loved ones die. I dont know, I wouldnt ask Vebran that, ever. Again if i'm laying there on a machine, just barely above being a vegetable, I'd honestly want to go and I have no gripes about anyone else feeling the same way.
Right to death
I had a rather morbid conversation with my husband the other night involving when to “pull the plug†in a medical situation. He says if there is no chance he will be able to speak or play MMORPGs, I should let him go. He even wants to get something in writing to that effect.
It’s an interesting debate, the right to life and the right to death. I think my husband isn’t alone in having no desire to cost his loved ones money and pain by keeping him alive when all hope is lost…I think a lot of people are willing to say that for them, you should pull the plug. I also think that for the person left with the choice of keeping their loved one alive or letting them go it is unbearable. Ultimately someone other than the injured must make the choice in that moment. No matter how many papers you sign, in the end the choice to die is not your own.
I was disturbed on many levels with my husband’s thoughts on the matter. All personal matters aside, I have ingrained in me strong beliefs on the right to life. It infuriates me when I see people who are responsible for another life, whether it be their elderly grandmother or their little child, treating that life callously.
But I’m guilty of a hypocrisy I cannot reconcile. I have, in my life, considered pulling a /q in RL too many times to count. And I could see wanting to die should an accident leave me unable to leave a hospital and its machines for the rest of my life. I don’t know what I would –do- about that desire, but I can see it being there. And for me…I know there’s a point where I’d want the plug pulled. I don’t know when it is, but I’m sure there’s a point. I just don’t want to decide that for someone else :\. And on a larger scale, I’m not comfortable with the idea of anyone deciding for someone else. The idea of deciding that your loved one is too disabled to be worth keeping alive is nausea inducing to me.
At any rate, that conversation, this story (http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/01/24/scotus.schiavo/), and a friend of mine protesting a movie about assisted suicide (he’s a researcher for a group called “Not Dead Yetâ€Â) are all sort of stewing in my brain. Thought someone might like to throw some carrots into the pot. It’s…something I’m unsure of in my heart and am not sure where my conscience leads me. I struggle with the wrongs of taking someone’s life, and with believing one “right†for me and one right for everyone else.
ROzbeans
21 years ago
Guest
21 years ago
For myself - No, I don't think I'd want to lay in a bed basically rotting away hooked up to a machine. I wouldn't want to be remembered that way and I wouldn't want my loved ones keeping false hopes that things may change.
For others - It would be extremely difficult to make that decision for someone else without knowing their wishes beforehand. I don't know if I could live with the constant thought that I chose to pull the plug on someone and have the possibility float in my mind that maybe someday they would have pulled through. If it was someone especially close to me, I don't know if I could make myself let them go.
For others - It would be extremely difficult to make that decision for someone else without knowing their wishes beforehand. I don't know if I could live with the constant thought that I chose to pull the plug on someone and have the possibility float in my mind that maybe someday they would have pulled through. If it was someone especially close to me, I don't know if I could make myself let them go.
Aziyade
21 years ago
I am a fairly spiritual person and my belief is that if I am brain-dead, it's time to let me go so I can move on to the next life. My husband, the atheist, put it something like this, "If the doctors say you are trashed, let them take out the garbage." (You can see why I love this man, can't you?")
Anyway, both he and my father know that I would not want to be kept alive by machine and that I would like any usable parts to be donated. I know my father agrees with me. He is non-spiritual but he once said of organ donorship that it's the greatest possible gift one can give. I agree with him. I'd much rather be recycled so someone else can have a chance at a long, healthy life.
I agree that it would be very hard to make that decision, but knowing beforehand that is what they would want will make it easier should that eventuality arise. I also believe that this is an important discussion that every person should have with their spouse or anyone else who might be in the position to make that decision if the worst should happen.
Anyway, both he and my father know that I would not want to be kept alive by machine and that I would like any usable parts to be donated. I know my father agrees with me. He is non-spiritual but he once said of organ donorship that it's the greatest possible gift one can give. I agree with him. I'd much rather be recycled so someone else can have a chance at a long, healthy life.
I agree that it would be very hard to make that decision, but knowing beforehand that is what they would want will make it easier should that eventuality arise. I also believe that this is an important discussion that every person should have with their spouse or anyone else who might be in the position to make that decision if the worst should happen.
Gilae
21 years ago
It is in my opinion selfish to not pull the plug. I often think of how miserable I would be without my husband...I consider him one of my only joys in life...but I couldn't allow him to suffer. Considering the pain and humiliation the person is likely going through measured against your wish that something might change...
It is my constant hope that my husband and I die together in some freak accident and neither of us have to go through the pain of losing the other. Of course that hope will change when we have children.
This is indeed a morbid conversation.
It is my constant hope that my husband and I die together in some freak accident and neither of us have to go through the pain of losing the other. Of course that hope will change when we have children.
This is indeed a morbid conversation.
Rikr
21 years ago
Hmm. I think it would depend on the quality of life. If my loved one was a vegetable unable to do anything, I don't think I could keep them on the machine. Although extremely difficult to do, I think I would pull the plug. I pray I'm never forced into this situation. It's hard to even imagine.
Sunbur
21 years ago
This is a discussion that's been had around our house several times. My husband went into shock when I had a living will drawn up soon after we got married. I had been working in nursing for 6 years and had literally seen it all. I didn't want him to be faced with the very daunting decision of what to do if it ever came down to it. I share my father's belief that if I cannot communicate my needs nor can I live without machines, I don't want to be kept alive. If it's just a temporary condition, yeah you can have a machine breath for me until the condition has been resolved. But if we're talking more than maybe a couple of weeks, don't do it. My husband knows how I feel about it as does my sister (who is also a nurse) and my brother (who is a paramedic/firefighter), and, of course, my father. My family also knows that my husband probably wouldn't have the heart to pull the plug on me. So everything concerning my medical needs should I be incapcitated will be handled by all of them as a team. That way no one has the burden of doing it alone. All of us have it set up that way in our living wills. This way we tackle medical emergencies like we have always tackled life, as a team.
My father recently changed his to a Do Not Resucatate order after much discussion with us kids. We feel that at the age of 61 he's too young for that. But in his eyes, he feels that he's lived his life to the fullest and anything he does from here on out is just icing on the cake. We will respect his wishes because we always have with anything concerning his life and how he wants to live it. However, we asked for the stipulation to be put in that if we feel there is a better than 75% chance that his life would be able to be back to what it is today then we can over ride it.
My husband does not have a living will or anything in writing anywhere. However, I know how ticked off he gets if he has to go to the doctor even for his DoT physical. You'd have thought he was going through hell when he broke his ankle last October and I MADE him go get it xrayed. LOL He has stated on numerous occassions that above all else, he does not want to be a burden to me and the boys. He said that if there isn't better than good chance that he'll be back to normal (well as normal as he gets), then he doesn't want them to do anything. And he definitely doesn't want any machines at all.
This may seem callous to some, but I want my family to remember me as I am... not as the shell that was left in the aftermath of something horrific. And to be left lingering on is just to keep bringing back horrible memories and force the wonderful memories further back.
My father recently changed his to a Do Not Resucatate order after much discussion with us kids. We feel that at the age of 61 he's too young for that. But in his eyes, he feels that he's lived his life to the fullest and anything he does from here on out is just icing on the cake. We will respect his wishes because we always have with anything concerning his life and how he wants to live it. However, we asked for the stipulation to be put in that if we feel there is a better than 75% chance that his life would be able to be back to what it is today then we can over ride it.
My husband does not have a living will or anything in writing anywhere. However, I know how ticked off he gets if he has to go to the doctor even for his DoT physical. You'd have thought he was going through hell when he broke his ankle last October and I MADE him go get it xrayed. LOL He has stated on numerous occassions that above all else, he does not want to be a burden to me and the boys. He said that if there isn't better than good chance that he'll be back to normal (well as normal as he gets), then he doesn't want them to do anything. And he definitely doesn't want any machines at all.
This may seem callous to some, but I want my family to remember me as I am... not as the shell that was left in the aftermath of something horrific. And to be left lingering on is just to keep bringing back horrible memories and force the wonderful memories further back.
Verileah
21 years ago
I think that's a smart way to handle it. My big hang up in all of this, I think, is that I see a huge difference between you deciding it's your time to go and someone deciding to do what I percieve to be killing. I'm much more comfortable with the idea of everyone making their own choices. I think I need a little more to go on than "Will he ever be ever to play MMORPGs again?" though *laughs*.
So how do you get a living will made?
So how do you get a living will made?
Sunbur
21 years ago
We had ours drawn up by our attorney. However, now you can get the forms off the internet just by doing a search for Living Will. Your family doctor should also be able to tell you where to pick up the forms in your area. Make sure that you keep the original in a safe place and give copies to your doctor as well as family members and close friends that you trust. This way you are covered from all angles.