ROFL I think its effin funny lol
I have serious trust issues, with a hint of paranoid.. so I don't really post about my RL shit.
I have very few close people I talk to about RL stuff , some more so then others. I doubt I would ever post any type of crisis on forums, I got a doctor I talk to for that shit .. yes I really am a total crazy coocoo for coco puffs ....
But if I did ever feel the need I would most likely post here and you lazy fuckers better give me sound advise, not no pat on the tush with a nownow, it'll be alright ! lol or I'll hunt you down and beat you with a wet noodle... phear meh!
lol nice chart you got started there hehe , now where do I fit in on there hrmmm lol
C/Cing Real Life
Have you ever noticed that some people have an extremely high level of disclosure? I learned in speech class back in college that everyone has a certain level of disclosure. From the very basic of information to revealing personal experiences that only your therapist and God should know about.
As a woman on the internet, I'm subjected to a variety of levels of disclosure and need from people. The internet lets you hide behind it and reveal as much ,or as little, as you'd like. Here, I'm Rozbeans. You guys who haven't met me (and the few who have) know just about nothing about how I interact in real life. You really only know what I *LET* you know. This brings me to my point.
There are people who are comfortable disclosing personal aspects of their life; they have no problem discussing issues, showing pictures or becoming emotionally attached. Something I've noticed, along with people's ability to disclose personal emotional information, is that some people really don't want to know the truth.
So I'm talking with another friend about how there should be a c/c level for posting information. Person A posts a problem, a serious one. Person A will tell their story of woe, right down to the eye squinting, cheek blushing, dirty details. Person B, C, D will reply.
Now, the thing that happens next is what perplexes the shit out of me. Person A will completely reject all, what can be viewed as sound, replies/opinions....and continue to complain.
I think people should state what they want, right up front. 'Here is my problem. I want a lvl 1 reply.'
Level 1 - Sugar Coat Me. Pat me on the pack and tell me what I want to hear, even if it's so fucking wrong that somewhere - a bunny died from the lie.
Then the extreme:
Level 5 - Don't lie to me. Tell me what I should do, beat it into me that it's the right thing to do. Reach into your computer and smack me about the head, neck and shoulders with a lead pipe if I don't do it. Tell me to Shut the FUCK UP if I keep complaining, even though reasonable opinions have been posted.
We all know someone who's done this. It is, in fact, something that has cracked me up remembering on a few occasions. No disrespect to people who feel comfortable telling their stories - I've done it myself. Hell, I announced when I got off the pill and began fornicating unprotected with my husband to create a second child to taunt everyone with.
I'm just curious to see what people think. Isn't it ironic that it will probably depend on YOUR level of disclosure to post your thoughts on this? This isn't directed toward anyone, I'm just nosy =D
Adiene
17 years ago
tamaelia
17 years ago
Hahaha Adi... wet noodle of dewm wielder!
Merreck
17 years ago
There are people who definitely seem to have a pattern of bringing various dilemmas to the attention of everyone they can, getting some advice and generally turning it down, then disappearing for awhile only to resurface with more problems. I usually tend to ignore these people not only because it’s such a downer to hear nothing good from this individual, but it seems so unrealistic for me to believe that one life could have that much freaking drama going on all the time.
Now, when someone does honestly have a problem, and feels compelled to disclose this very personal information to a group of strangers, I feel that they should state the purpose of the post (e.g., just venting, or advise me). I look at it this way, if someone is posting their problems in an open forum then they are obviously expecting others to take the time to listen to and acknowledge them. So, it would definitely be in the posters best interest to let their readers know what kind of response they’re looking for if they would like to be able to go to these people again in the future.
Very rarely do I ever respond to any of these threads regardless of the person’s crisis frequency. In fact, as insensitive as this may sound, I hardly ever read the entire post. I will usually skip the thread in the future unless it becomes 3+ pages long. Then I want to know what’s so damn juicy that everyone is posting.
Good point! As for my own personal level of discloser, I tend to keep my problems to myself, and online even my opinions. I have seen plenty of threads on this forum about real world issues that I most definitely have strong opinions about, but when I really get to thinking about it I opt not to post.
I did post a problem on smmo once just to see if venting my frustrations to an anonymous crowd would make me feel any better. I determined that sharing my problems to that extent in any medium just isn’t for me. I guess I just don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or my situation.
Now, when someone does honestly have a problem, and feels compelled to disclose this very personal information to a group of strangers, I feel that they should state the purpose of the post (e.g., just venting, or advise me). I look at it this way, if someone is posting their problems in an open forum then they are obviously expecting others to take the time to listen to and acknowledge them. So, it would definitely be in the posters best interest to let their readers know what kind of response they’re looking for if they would like to be able to go to these people again in the future.
Very rarely do I ever respond to any of these threads regardless of the person’s crisis frequency. In fact, as insensitive as this may sound, I hardly ever read the entire post. I will usually skip the thread in the future unless it becomes 3+ pages long. Then I want to know what’s so damn juicy that everyone is posting.
ROzbeans
Isn't it ironic that it will probably depend on YOUR level of disclosure to post your thoughts on this?
Good point! As for my own personal level of discloser, I tend to keep my problems to myself, and online even my opinions. I have seen plenty of threads on this forum about real world issues that I most definitely have strong opinions about, but when I really get to thinking about it I opt not to post.
I did post a problem on smmo once just to see if venting my frustrations to an anonymous crowd would make me feel any better. I determined that sharing my problems to that extent in any medium just isn’t for me. I guess I just don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or my situation.
Lessa
17 years ago
I dont mind sharing, but Im picky about who I share with, and how I share it. I dont think I would spill my life story on a forum for everyone to read.. its not everyones business and they prolly wouldnt care anyhow. But I would , in private tells, vent or talk about things in my real life to someone I thought of as a friend. Its not too much different than talking on a phone ( just no benefit of hearing mood and subtleties that might demonstrate emotion)
I like talking..to like.. real adult people..( as opposed to talking of things like princesses and bugs with child people) even if its in text.. and I prolly do so more than I should lol. I try to balance it though and not take things farther than is appropriate..or tell more than anyone would care to hear.
I like talking..to like.. real adult people..( as opposed to talking of things like princesses and bugs with child people) even if its in text.. and I prolly do so more than I should lol. I try to balance it though and not take things farther than is appropriate..or tell more than anyone would care to hear.
Starry
17 years ago
I, for one, enjoy reading them regardless. Esp. when I make popcorn. ^-^
I dont think Ive ever posted a popcorn worthy thread. Dangit!
I suppose perhaps I do disclose a little too much at times, but I do always think about posting something for a few days before I do it. Unless, its like a please-pray kinda thing.
I dont think I have enough drama in my whole life squished into one moment to make an advice thread, however. Even if I added stuff! =d We have such a happy warm vanilla life, haha! ^-^
I dont think Ive ever posted a popcorn worthy thread. Dangit!
I suppose perhaps I do disclose a little too much at times, but I do always think about posting something for a few days before I do it. Unless, its like a please-pray kinda thing.
I dont think I have enough drama in my whole life squished into one moment to make an advice thread, however. Even if I added stuff! =d We have such a happy warm vanilla life, haha! ^-^
Calimaryn
17 years ago
I know I disclose too much sometimes, but I much rather would hear cc5 than cc1. I want truth not platitudes when I share shit damn it!
As for the type of attention whore I am, well I started as a #4 Mom type. That burns one out after a while, so be careful you eMoms! I have definitely dabbled in the rest but most in the #3 Know it All lately. #2 as an eGoddess is just a given.
Though mostly I am just an eFlirt to people I like or want to tease. hahah
Unfortunately even in Real Life conversations I have the problem of giving cc5 to friends that want cc1. It annoys me because I am not actually 'giving advice' but stating what I had done in that situation or would do. Blagh! Its very sad to watch people do things over and over again because they wont listen to advice or even common sense.
As for the type of attention whore I am, well I started as a #4 Mom type. That burns one out after a while, so be careful you eMoms! I have definitely dabbled in the rest but most in the #3 Know it All lately. #2 as an eGoddess is just a given.
Though mostly I am just an eFlirt to people I like or want to tease. hahahUnfortunately even in Real Life conversations I have the problem of giving cc5 to friends that want cc1. It annoys me because I am not actually 'giving advice' but stating what I had done in that situation or would do. Blagh! Its very sad to watch people do things over and over again because they wont listen to advice or even common sense.
Sarah
17 years ago
Cali pretty much summed up what I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to say here.
I am all about the
if it's happening to someone else. I don't know that I comment all that much, I don't keep track.
I probably share way more than is healthy for me or the people reading my shit, and I eFlirt way more than is good for me, but I have fun. Plus I like calling people cutesy names just to see what they'll do with it, though that's mostly on IM.
As for what I want when I post. I want your honest opinion. I want CC5, because I when I share something I'm not doing it just to have my hand held. I need help and by golly I hope the people that I trusted with the information will give it to me, whether it's nice or feels like I got bitch-slapped. I probably need the slapping anyway.
I know I received lots of great advice on BJ's, but you never know that could have gone really badly...
Cali pretty much summed up what I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to say here.I am all about the
if it's happening to someone else. I don't know that I comment all that much, I don't keep track. I probably share way more than is healthy for me or the people reading my shit, and I eFlirt way more than is good for me, but I have fun. Plus I like calling people cutesy names just to see what they'll do with it, though that's mostly on IM.
As for what I want when I post. I want your honest opinion. I want CC5, because I when I share something I'm not doing it just to have my hand held. I need help and by golly I hope the people that I trusted with the information will give it to me, whether it's nice or feels like I got bitch-slapped. I probably need the slapping anyway.
I know I received lots of great advice on BJ's, but you never know that could have gone really badly...
Lunna
17 years ago
I dunno about that. It could have gone really badly but the likelyhood of that happening is slim (I ran that past the hubby before I posted too
). A little badly maybe but not really badly.
Sarah;77552
I know I received lots of great advice on BJ's, but you never know that could have gone really badly...
I dunno about that. It could have gone really badly but the likelyhood of that happening is slim (I ran that past the hubby before I posted too
). A little badly maybe but not really badly.
tamaelia
17 years ago
LOL Lunna... I don't think there are many guys who would say "please don't do that again" unless it had teeth or something :P
Vex
17 years ago
ok i skipped reading for now
but roz, a bunny dies? come ON, anything but a bunny ;(
and this :
roz: @$#$^&^*234@ @##$^* ^&*^&*&*#
kat: are you venting ?
roz: it would seem so
kat: k, just checking!
^ that cracked me up
ok now i read thread
...
but roz, a bunny dies? come ON, anything but a bunny ;(
and this :
roz: @$#$^&^*234@ @##$^* ^&*^&*&*#
kat: are you venting ?
roz: it would seem so
kat: k, just checking!
^ that cracked me up
ok now i read thread
...
Vex
17 years ago
ok, i read.
more often than not, i won't post at all offering advice ( or art cc for that matter )... way i see it, if you want *my* opinion on something, you'll ask ME for it, not a msg board. there have been a couple times i ripped all th sugar off and laid it out for them as plain as day, im sure the smmoers know which two girls i'm referring to
but tat was more for entertainment value. it was teh truth but im not sure those girls were smart enough to even comprehend what i really said, i just didnt include the hugs and sad emotes in my post for them to summarize with.
for me though, im much like adi. i cant post my problems online. i have a couple people i share my problems with online, and while i dont always follow their advice, i appreciate that they care. as roz said, "you only know what i LET you know", and while i can tell roz -everything- from my point of view, she doesn't feel what i feel to know everything... if that makes sense. so while from an objective point of view, her advice is purely sound and reasonable, its not easy to follow.
im rambling. but like i said, im with adi. i have no desire to go posting my shit on the net. no telling who's watchin and readin! i dont even keep a personal diary offline. besides, i sit on my ass in front of my computer all fucking day, there isnt interesting about my life to write about :P
once i year i'll post on DA i bought a computer, or im heading out of town so i wont be able to reply as fast as usual.
i dunno, i dont really even like total strangers knowing my name, spilling the beans on my personal life is way outta line for me.
more often than not, i won't post at all offering advice ( or art cc for that matter )... way i see it, if you want *my* opinion on something, you'll ask ME for it, not a msg board. there have been a couple times i ripped all th sugar off and laid it out for them as plain as day, im sure the smmoers know which two girls i'm referring to
but tat was more for entertainment value. it was teh truth but im not sure those girls were smart enough to even comprehend what i really said, i just didnt include the hugs and sad emotes in my post for them to summarize with.for me though, im much like adi. i cant post my problems online. i have a couple people i share my problems with online, and while i dont always follow their advice, i appreciate that they care. as roz said, "you only know what i LET you know", and while i can tell roz -everything- from my point of view, she doesn't feel what i feel to know everything... if that makes sense. so while from an objective point of view, her advice is purely sound and reasonable, its not easy to follow.
im rambling. but like i said, im with adi. i have no desire to go posting my shit on the net. no telling who's watchin and readin! i dont even keep a personal diary offline. besides, i sit on my ass in front of my computer all fucking day, there isnt interesting about my life to write about :P
once i year i'll post on DA i bought a computer, or im heading out of town so i wont be able to reply as fast as usual.
i dunno, i dont really even like total strangers knowing my name, spilling the beans on my personal life is way outta line for me.
Sartori
17 years ago
I guess I've always considered the Internet to be a hostile environment to begin with. Maybe that's because I cut my teeth on Usenet (alt.games.everquest). Sure, there are some friendly places, like TAC, and those are the places I prefer to hang out at. But really, anyone who decides to air their laundry in a public place, had better be prepared for anything.
If people need support, that's what friends are for. If they need support online, there are places for that too. But it just seems like common sense that if you post personal problems in a public venue where that kind of thing isn't the focus -- on a gaming board, for example -- then you'd better have your flame-proof undies on.
If people need support, that's what friends are for. If they need support online, there are places for that too. But it just seems like common sense that if you post personal problems in a public venue where that kind of thing isn't the focus -- on a gaming board, for example -- then you'd better have your flame-proof undies on.
Slovman
17 years ago
This is a consideration I can certainly relate to.
Vex;77606
besides, i sit on my ass in front of my computer all fucking day, there isnt interesting about my life to write about :P
This is a consideration I can certainly relate to.
ROzbeans
17 years ago
Here's something to consider - what crosses the line of appropriate topics or really, just good taste? When people share their issues/dramas/stories, whever you want to call them, what do you consider crossing the line?
This topic was obviously sparked by recent topics found on the internet, but I think it is a valid question. What is appropriate? People talk about their kids, pets, bodies, friends, hobbies...but recently I've seen things as extreme as abuse, both physical and mental. Things I personally don't think are appropriate to share with anyone other than your fucking therapist.
I think there is a clear line, but really - should the reader actually post a reply to something extreme like abuse? Half the time I want to scream 'Münchhausen's!! GET FUCKING THERAPY' but do *I* want to cross that line? Or do I just stop reading? Probably the latter than the former - but sometimes I think it's appropriate for the reader to say, 'omg, please stop.'
This topic was obviously sparked by recent topics found on the internet, but I think it is a valid question. What is appropriate? People talk about their kids, pets, bodies, friends, hobbies...but recently I've seen things as extreme as abuse, both physical and mental. Things I personally don't think are appropriate to share with anyone other than your fucking therapist.
I think there is a clear line, but really - should the reader actually post a reply to something extreme like abuse? Half the time I want to scream 'Münchhausen's!! GET FUCKING THERAPY' but do *I* want to cross that line? Or do I just stop reading? Probably the latter than the former - but sometimes I think it's appropriate for the reader to say, 'omg, please stop.'
Starry
17 years ago
I dont ever like people asking for something that needs professional opinions.
Like real sickness, law advice, etc. I mean other than the hmm .. this is weird, should I go to the doctor? (Although the answer should always be yes).
But were just internet people. We arent lawyers or doctors or psyciatrists or tax professionals. Theres only so much advice or stories we can share before you just gotta break down and go see a real person that has a real degree.
(We are real people, of course, but "I heard this on the internet" is not a valid legal defense).
However, as far as needing to tell people hey, dude, maybe youre just crazy ... thats a hard line to think about crossing -- but its one Ive considered many times. But its going to make drama, forsure. ^-^
Like real sickness, law advice, etc. I mean other than the hmm .. this is weird, should I go to the doctor? (Although the answer should always be yes).
But were just internet people. We arent lawyers or doctors or psyciatrists or tax professionals. Theres only so much advice or stories we can share before you just gotta break down and go see a real person that has a real degree.
(We are real people, of course, but "I heard this on the internet" is not a valid legal defense).
However, as far as needing to tell people hey, dude, maybe youre just crazy ... thats a hard line to think about crossing -- but its one Ive considered many times. But its going to make drama, forsure. ^-^
Den
17 years ago
I don't agree. There is an anonymity on the internet that allows for the discussion of anything anyone wants to chat about. And its much cheaper than a therapist. Sometimes people are just looking for someone to tell them everything will be okay, or give them some random information on where they might be able to turn to for REAL solutions. I dunno. When it comes to the internet, I figure if you're comfortable talking about it, then why should I say you shouldn't? And if it's something I feel uncomfortable reading, I don't.
ROzbeans
17 years ago
No and I agree, Shay. I suppose I mean escalating drama that finally results in physical abuse of say minors or animals. For me, personally, there are very clear lines in the sand for what is appropriate to share in a public forum or what belongs in the confines of a doctor's office. =x
I know there have been a lot of women who can take solace from sharing on a semi private/public forum - hell I've done it myself. When Mike left for his 1 year unattended I was completely shattered, depressed...the whole 9 and I got some reassuring words from some friends on another board known for having a caring forum. I think people abuse this right though and it's sad.
I know there have been a lot of women who can take solace from sharing on a semi private/public forum - hell I've done it myself. When Mike left for his 1 year unattended I was completely shattered, depressed...the whole 9 and I got some reassuring words from some friends on another board known for having a caring forum. I think people abuse this right though and it's sad.
Beli
17 years ago
I'd say go with your gut feeling. When it's black and white, it's easy to say "don't read the thread" and so on, but sometimes things are not that simple. I post on a largely male dominated board and I accept that there's just a way guys discuss things, but once in a great while, I do feel like I do have to speak up and say "this is not cool" because to ignore something is to allow extreme attitudes to foster and develop. (Sometimes the female-bashing can go too far. It doesn't happen often. Women do the same thing on female-dominated boards.) There's a saying that goes something like, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Sometimes you have to decide if saying nothing is a way of allowing something unpleasant to continue. It won't change the world or anything, but you'll feel better for having spoken up. I always expect a backlash when I speak up against someone that's gone too far, but I always do feel better for saying something at least. (Hell, sometimes I get PMs thanking me for saying as much since they weren't sure how to say it themselves.) Just have to decide if it's a situation that's just a matter of TMI or really crosses the line of decency. :/
Den
17 years ago
Nothing sexual regarding children has any place on any internet board anywhere...IMO. I've seen things that suggest that's where the thread is headed, but thankfully it gets stopped right away.
But I also agree with Beli. As with 'porn', different people feel differently when it comes to certain topics, and if they feel uncomfortable then they should just not read those threads. A problem does arise when everyone is talking about one subject, and then some bonehead comes along and posts something over the top. Then I think those who object should step up and say something.
I know the board Beli spoke of has moderators who will step in and actually delete or lock threads that go beyond their boundaries. Maybe someone needs to be responsible for that type of monitoring on any board.
But I also agree with Beli. As with 'porn', different people feel differently when it comes to certain topics, and if they feel uncomfortable then they should just not read those threads. A problem does arise when everyone is talking about one subject, and then some bonehead comes along and posts something over the top. Then I think those who object should step up and say something.
I know the board Beli spoke of has moderators who will step in and actually delete or lock threads that go beyond their boundaries. Maybe someone needs to be responsible for that type of monitoring on any board.
ROzbeans
17 years ago
I personally think, generally speaking, that public isn't the way to go - if people want to enable an individual and continue to publically comment - well then that's fine, but if something like that were to happen here on TAC, privately staff would deal with it. I'm all for drama, y'all know I am - but admin (or anyone else for that matter) approaching an individual publically regarding their high rate of disclosure would be hypocritical. I would approach the person in pm's and ask them to stop. The best way is definitely to be privately diplomatic. The person has already embarrassed and revealed enough of themselves, everyone doesn't have to watch, you know?
Does it make for good watercooler/IM discussions? Oh hell yes.
Does it make for good watercooler/IM discussions? Oh hell yes.