I wanna be this mom

:lol: That's awesome. Gives me all sorts of fantastical ideas for when my kids are teenagers. :evil

Heard this on the news last night, with the lead in being..."Would you be a horrible parent like this?" To which I didn't hesitate, and answered 'OF COURSE'!

If that's horrible then I don't want to be good.

i think thats really smart.

Heck yeah. We're setting up Catherine's college fund now and I threatened her - if she doesn't go and finish college with that money, her father and I are going to Jamaica for a month with it instead.

Gotta buck the trend and say... what a bitch. She believes her kid when he says it wasn't his liquor but she does that anyways? WTF. She said no booze... for him. What a total buncha BS. Glad my Mom was a cool one.

Don't flame, I know y'all won't agree. But.. she gave the car to her kid, it was his property and it's his life to fuck up if he chooses. At 19 she needed to just step back and let him make his own mistakes. He *is* an adult now...

I totally agree with her methods, especially if he's still residing in her house. My motto is if ya live here, ya go by my rules.

It is in fact illegal to carry alcohol in your car regardless of whose it is, if you are underaged. And well, wouldn't ANY 19 year old tell their mother that it wasn't theirs? I know I would ;)

I think it's great that she's looking out for her child's safety and well-being like that. I guess I'm gonna be a rotten parent when my kid's a teenager too :thumbsup

Exactly. They don't like the rules, they're free to live elsewhere. Rule worked for my mom, for me, and for my daughter.

No flames here, but Temp as a parent I agree with what she did, hell I'd do the same thing. No booze means NO BOOZE. So what if it isn't his - he should be responsible enough to tell his friends to not be numbnuts and bring liquor into his car. This is a 2 ton machine we're talking about. Drunk friends, even if the driver is sober, is still distracting enough to cause an accident. Yeah he's the designated driver for his under aged friends, that's still bullshit. It has nothing to do with being cool, it's up to the child to show that they're responsible enough to have this car and that means being responsible for the people IN IT.

It's also not ok that his friends are under aged drinking. Cool doesn't mean letting my under aged kid drink or hang out with friends that do. Cool means trusting my teenager to KNOW BETTER. To not have friends who do illegal shit or at least keep that shit out of his property.

We're not hardcore strict parents here, but as parents you do get a different perspective when you're going through these trials and tribulations with your kids - about to or already did. My parents were crazy strict and for that I am grateful. I saw a lot of shit go down from parents who let their kids abuse that sense of trust that it looks like your parents used with you. It worked out for you, but I've seen different. Doesn't make you wrong but it doesn't make my decisions wrong or 'uncool' either. =/

Ditto what ROz said.

K let me be a little clearer. Even at 19 years old, she might have given him that car but it was still legally hers to sell, which means technically it wasn't just his. Second of all - if he was living on his own away from his parents, he wouldn't exactly be subjected to their rules. So one can infer that he is living with his parents and using that car as a courtesy from them. My point is - even at 19 years old, Catherine will still be my child. My responsibilities as her parent doesn't stop at 18, instead my position in her life because more of a guiding one - I still want to help her do the right thing but at 18+ yeah it's her decision (just as long as she doesn't do something illegal).

*HUGE hugs to ROz* I wish I had a way with words like you; you say what's in my head SO much better than I'm ever able to! :hug

I know I don't have opinions that oh 99% of people would. I'm sure the "strict" upbringing works for some people but I have seen the other side with runaways, high school drop outs, drug abuse, teen pregnancy and worse. That's just from my 2 best friends when I was a teen, and they had very strict homes. I think this Mom has risked alienating her son as well as getting him to resent her. Sure people will say one day he will understand and thank her. Trust me that's not a guarantee. Plus now will he even consider trusting her? I know I wouldn't.

I think you're correct on the trust issue Roz. My Mom (more than my Dad who I wasn't living with 14+) was really "cool". More so than that she listened, she didn't judge me (or my friends) and she allowed me to make my own mistakes and learn from them. Not to say I wasn't inundated with tales of what not to do because of the things she'd done as a teen and the negative consequences. But she did that when I was younger and so when the time came and I was faced with the same kinds of situations I already was thinking "hmm.. this didn't work for her so why should I even try?"

She bought me liquor for my 16th birthday and I and my friends were allowed to drink *at her house* so long as we went no where. (then and any time afterwards) That was the way she was raised so that's how she was with us too. I guess because I was raised in such an understanding and trusting relationship I find it just impossible to understand the flip side. I was expected to be responsible and to have obligations too. The minute I started working I had to pay for things around the house and a percentage of every check to her as "rent". It was to teach me the responsibilities of an adult. It worked. My mom was cool about drugs, liquor, sex you name it.. we openly discussed it and when I started having sex she made sure it was by my choice then took me to get on the pill. Granted I was 17.. but still, no judgement or repercussions. My friend ran away at 14. She spent countless times coming to stay with us over the next several years. My Mom never judged her even when she stole from us repeatedly for a drug habit. You extend trust and you have faith in them to learn. My other best friend (We were a trio of friends) got prergnant her senior year. She came and lived with us for a while until she and her Dad could work things out between them. Again my Mom never judged.

I think because I don't have my own child people think oh you'd say or be different if you did. I sincerely hope not. I have a niece who I love more than life itself and who I would die or or do anything for in a second. Do I hope my sister raises her like we were? Yes. And honestly I do find it a little insulting that people feel you can't understand because you don't have a kid. Every single person knows what worked and didn't for their parents when they were being raised. How does that change? The fact that I can't / won't / don't have a kid shouldn't make my observations and opinions somehow less informed or valid.

Will this kid suddenly decide "I will never drink and drive!?" because she did this, or will it more likely be "If I'm drunk I'm not calling Mom that's for sure!" or perhaps "So what if so and so is drunk he can find his own way home after leaving that in my car"?

There is no right or wrong answers here I know. I happen to find this woman a raving psycho bitch who's overbearing and controlling. We each are products of the environments we were raised in. And we each have our own views on these types of things because of them. I know most people weren't raised like I was and so they don't see things as I do. I can respect that yes the "scare hell hell out of your kids and keep them in line" mentality probably works but I would rather raise my kids like I was, to be a liberal and trusting Mom.

I suppose if I had been worried about being a 'cool' mom, I might have done things differently. But when I decided to have kids I knew things were going to be difficult at times, and that as a parent I would have to suck it up and deal with it. As a parent I had to set limits for my child, teach them rules, morals, values, and stand behind the fact that through experience I did know best in most situations. If my child challenged me, I had to meet that challenge with that knowledge, and hope eventually they would come to understand I wasn't making them adhere to rules because I got some perverse pleasure out of it, but because the real world has rules they will need to live by.

For all the kids you saw who turned out with problems from being brought up too strictly, I saw probably as many or more who had issues because their parents were never there for them, or when they were there, they were too concerned about their kids liking them to actually parent them. Being raised without rules made the transition into real life away from home impossible to deal with. They ran up huge credit card debts, because they were never instructed on how to manage money...they lost job after job because they were never instructed in work ethics, or responsibilities. They lived at home for years because they just didn't have the emotional maturity to move away. Some wound up pregnant, some wound up married more than once before they were 25...seriously after being given free reign for all those years, how could they then be expected to suddenly know any other way to live?

Some of you are probably sick and tired of hearing this, but tough. My daughter will be 30 years old this year, and is happy, well educated, has a very good job that she really likes, has been self supporting for over 6 years, travels, and truly enjoys her life. She was never any trouble, as a teenager, or young adult, and is now my best friend. So if nothing else, she's at least one example I have of when limits, and restrictions, and restraints on a child did result in an adult without issues.




Kinda sounds like you're judging her pretty much, and pretty harshly, for someone who's not judging.

Just another perspective on her right to the car. At 18 more than likely unless he was like my niece and got a job to pay her own bills (which you can't tell from this article), He was probably also on her insurance. Which makes her liable for any and all actions in that car. Him being 18 or not they would come after her if some drunk kid caused him to wreck. So I have to say I'm also behind this mom's actions.

At age 19 I was driving a car that belonged to my mother, and I had more restrictions than just keeping it locked and not having alcohol in that car. According to the article he's only had the car for 2 months! Getting your first car is a big deal to any kid, and usually one of the first tastes of independence. I find it very disrespectful of him to be breaking the rules after such a short period of time. It shows he didn't take his mother very seriously, and I think she is right in her decision to sell that car.

Heh, I guess I take the middle ground - I agree with selling the car, but not with taking out an ad in the paper with that phrasing. I just don't agree with using public humiliation as punishment.

In my opinion -- As a parent, your first job is to look out for your child's safety and well being -- not be their cool best friend... Best friend comes /after/ they move out and are on their own.

Drinking and a car (no matter who's car it is) do not mix. I've lost TWO family members from drunk drivers (and it wasn't my family who was drinking it was others.) I probably would give my kid a second chance, but they would have lost every single privilege to privacy from that moment onward, on until they had earned the right to have privacy again. IMO, privacy is a privilege when you live at home, not a right. Sure she maybe shouldn't have been snooping, but I am sure glad that she was, it is one less irresponsible teenager on the road letting other kids drink and ride (or drink and drive).

-Sabby

I do agree with you.

Ah sheez, all I want to do is shake my head and say "This could only happen in America."

Drinking and driving is irresponsible and in New Zealand the fatalities caused by drunk drivers and/or boy racers is nasty and tragic. And I wholeheartedly support the campaigns targeted against teenagers, farmers, and adult party goers who drink and drive.

In New Zealand you can legally get a learning license at the age of 15, have sex at 16, and vote, marry, join the army, and drink alcohol at the age of 18.

But a mother selling her son's car after finding alcohol in the car and publically humiliating her son in the press? Sorry, that's not being a responsible parent, that's being mean and sadistic.

Okay, so the Mother had two rules:



Unless the son is a repeat criminal offender, a known alcoholic or drug user, or a reckless driver, give your son the benefit of the doubt, but teach him exactly why you made those rules in the first place.

Take away the keys to the car for a period of time, have him watch and read material on the impact of Drink Driving, and make him attend an approved Driver Education Course.

Don't give your son an excuse to turn the same petty "meanness" on you one day. The only thing this young man has learnt from this experience is that his mother is petty and vindictive and he can't turn his back on her. He's also learnt that she is willing to publically humilate him to make a point.

What's worse in the long term?

A son who has to grudgingly pay for the consequences of his actions through constructive education and atonement, or a son who believes he has been irrationally punished and humiliated by a vindictive parent?