ROUND 5 - ...uh...ew? (MAFIA HIT)

‘Cut her down.’

The mob stood beneath Myraan Avers looking up at her swinging, lifeless body.

‘Please, we need to cut her down.’

With a pained grimace, Professor Vanderkrumpt looked away as the young woman was finally cut down and taken down to the vault with the others. The Professor ran his hands through his mad scientist white hair and tried to temper down the terror and disgust he was feeling. He saw the look on Miss Avers’ face as they threw her over the side. That survival instinct had kicked in, but then it flashed with something…something…he couldn’t put his finger on it, but it filled him with such a dread that he mindlessly walked to the elevator and pushed the call button without thinking.

He stood there, reacting to the latest murder with listless resignation. Professor Vanderkrumpt had only come into the bank to put his invention into the family safe deposit box. Twenty minutes, in and out, but he waited till too late in the day – 4 o’clock, what was he thinking? The elevator dinged and the Professor stepped into it, pushing for the third floor, but the doors hung for a few seconds, like a gaping mouth ready for feeding. It finally caught his attention, bringing him out of his day-nightmare and staring confused at the doors. Reaching out, he touched the ‘close doors’ button, but nothing happened. Just as he began to step back out the doors, there was a jolt, and then the doors began to close slowly.

With a sigh, his hands went to his jacket pocket, feeling the outline of The 'Fwaffernagle quantum de-twizzler core' prototype model 6 when as the doors came within a few inches of closing, a hand stopped it, forcing the doors back open.

The Vanderkrumpt’s first thought went to his The 'Fwaffernagle quantum de-twizzler core' prototype model 6, fearing thieves but then he realized just how stupid he was being when the doors revealed the owner of the hand…and its friends. The group walked into the elevator and pushed the ‘close door’ button once again. Professor Vanderkrumpt swallowed as the doors closed in front of him. It came to him, just then, the look on Miss Avers' face as she went over the rail.

Relief then absolute terror.

‘What the hell is that?’

‘Oh I know what it is.’ The crowd murmured as the voice chuckled softly. ‘Why does he have something like that though?’

‘Is that a USB connection?’

‘Well…I suppose you could charge it when…you know…you were using it?’

They had found Professor Vanderkrumpt’s body when the elevator alarm began blaring. There were teeters of giggling and a few off color remarks as the doors opened – even Mr. Green was slightly perplexed by the discovery.

Even Mr. Green blushed. ‘I can’t even begin…uh…’

Professor Vanderkrumpt’s family invention had been a closely guarded secret and for good reason. The item in which the Professor had been keeping safe, close to his body, had definitely been an incredible invention. The 'Fwaffernagle quantum de-twizzler core' prototype model 6 was apparently an 8-inch dildo with a USB connection with a 20 volt motor and four interchangeable latex attachments. Unfortunately, the invention had been shoved so far back into the Professors mouth that he choked on it.

No gunshots, no blood, just total and complete humiliation.

Luc and Alex watched over the shoulders of the remaining crowd; both were completely aghast at the method of murder. Finally, both deities stepped back and looked at each other.

‘No quotes?’ Luc asked with a grin.

‘Uh…no. None that…come to mind.’

Luc opened his eyes wide and turned, snickering to himself. ‘Classy. Really, it is.’

‘Oh shut up,’ Alex grumbled.


Wystro 13 years ago
"Sweet Sally! They killed him with a miniature back massager! I should wife has had one of those forever."

Ernest sighs and thinks fondly of Mrs. Freeman. Will he live to see her again?
ShutUpSara 13 years ago
"Umm... are we going to leave that... thing... in there? Isn't that a tad degrading to the guy?"

Ella turned away from the corpse of the Professor, utterly confused as to why someone would use ... that ... as a weapon.

It's kind of like dressing up in that gimp suit in GTA and beating people to death with the giant dildo... except it's not fun in real life.. Hmm... If I make it out of here, I might try using this experience to make a video game.

Ella started making mental lists of everyone and everything that's happened, and how that would fit into a game design doc. Idly grabbing a pen and paper from one of the desks nearby, she started writing out the lists, and at the same time started to see a horrible pattern.

Oh my gods .... This can't be. No. Why... ?

Ella grabbed her notes, and ran away from everyone, not even knowing where she was running to. In her hurry, she dropped a few pages, the paper fluttering down to the ground like leaves falling in autumn.
Guest 13 years ago
Mr. Green began to push the remainder of the crowd back as two of his male tellers picked up the body. He mumbled as the young lady named Ella asked about the...murder weapon.

'If you want to take it out of his mouth, Miss Ella, feel free,' he mumbled. She decided against it apparently and ran off, dropping papers in the hallway, making a mess.

'Miss...Ellis, please! Let's stay together...' He called out after her as she disappeared alone. With a sigh, Mr. green followed his tellers down to the vault to place the Professor's body with the others.
ShutUpSara 13 years ago
Cowering in the hallway, Ella could hear the others from far away, the cacophony of angry voices floating to her. Wild accusations, thinly veiled hostility, thank goodness for the pills salvaged from Myraan's purse. Ella popped a few more anti-anxiety pills, and shoved her notes into her bra.

Keep it safe, keep it secret...

..Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead...

Steeling herself from the yelling and anger, Ella started walking back towards everyone, reciting the rest of Shakespeare's Henry V speech as she slowly made her way back.
Wystro 13 years ago
Ernest Freeman's mustache bristles with compassion as he approaches Ella.

"Don't let that back massager frighten you, Young instrument of comfort should never be used in such a manner. To think that I actually used my wife's to scratch my back a few times, and now this. I don't think I could ever bear to touch it again."

Ernest shudders in quiet revulsion.

"And by the way, do you have anymore of those Tic Tacs? All of this stress is giving me a case of dog breath!"
ShutUpSara 13 years ago
"Oh, these aren't Tic Tacs.. Loud noises and stress make me ... get a case of the vapors... so I take these to help me calm down and not fall down. You can have some if you'd like, but they won't freshen your breath any."

Ella tried to look everywhere but at Ernest.. his mustache was too perfect, she wanted to mess it up somehow, to pull on it like a little kid would.

"I didn't really get a good look at what was in the Professor's mouth... but from what I saw, that was definitely *not* a back massager.."
Wystro 13 years ago
"Sweetheart, when I found my wife's under the mattress, she told me what it was; and it looks exactly the same as the one that killed the poor professor."

Ernest thoughtfully sucks on a couple of "Tic Tacs".
ShutUpSara 13 years ago
Ella opens her mouth to try to explain to the confused older man what his wife's "massager" really massaged, but thought better of it.

"So.. you have grandbabies? I love kids. I hope to have some of my own, some day.. if we ever make it out of this place..."
Wystro 13 years ago
The room wavers in Ernest's vision -- Ella seems to look very much like a recliner/Persian cat with bright pink fur and leather bucket seats. Mr. Freeman tries very hard to hear what Ella has to say, but her voice sounds like a purple bologna sandwich on rye bread with mustard. His mustache bristles with contentment.
ShutUpSara 13 years ago
Ella continued chattering about her life, unaware of the drool forming on Ernest's lips until a large drop fell to the marble flooring.


Startled, Ella looked up at the old man, and was taken aback by the glazed, unfocused look in his eyes.

Shit.. what the hell? He's stoned out of his mind.. maybe he takes other kinds of meds that interfere with these? He doesn't look like the type to take pills.. maybe heart medicine? Shit shit shit...

Ella carefully maneuvers Ernest to a chair, and pulled out the pen and spare paper she took from one of the desks.

"You know what always makes me feel better? Drawing stuff. Just anything that pops into my head. It helps clear my mind when I'm designing a new game, or stuck on some problem. Maybe it'll make you feel better too?"