Seriously, what the ?!!!

Driving 30 miles to a party doesn't phase me, you can drive farther than that to go across town here in Houston. Going to parties at 14 with older kids doesn't seem too unbelieveable. I always hung around with older kids / people so I don't have an issue with that.

See I was raised by the "cool" parents and had almost carte blanche to do things. By having that... I did almost nothing. The one time I lied to my parents, at 17, to sneak out and spend the night with my boyfriend I felt HORRIBLE. When you raise your kids openly, honestly and treat them with respect and as if they are intelligent beings that fosters a better relationship. I listened to my mom talk about doing drugs and the repercussions. I was offered alcohol and allowed to drink at home if I wanted. Smoking wasn't forbidden.

On the flip side : One of my best friends had zero freedoms and her Mom was the typical under my thumb micromanager. She smoked, lied, slept around and ran away from home 2 days into high school, at 14, and ended up on drugs and pregnant by 18. She never graduated high school. My other best friend had moderate supervision but was given all kinds of restrictions. She slept around, drank and graduated high school 7 months pregnant.

Moral of my story : Be a good, honest role model and raise your kids to be intelligent enough to make smart decisions by the time they reach their teens, and LET THEM.

My only fault with this Dad? Why didn't HE drive her to the party rather than risk potentially stoned / drunk kids driving her back?

/agree

My sympathy is with the girl, not her idiot father. See a lot of parents that think that way, unfortunately.

your not supossed to be your kids friend. I had rules but my mom was still the cool mom to other kids. I just never wanted to be bad. So i didnt. Kids are a product of your upbringing but they are their own people too regardless if you impose tons of rules on them or not.

my problem is that he let his 14 yr old goto a RAVE. RAVE = not a good place for anyone. Raves are not illegal because it gives them cool points. So she said she didnt do the harder drugs at the scene, thats good, but other people do and that makes them a danger. I agree with rather having a pissed of grounded daughter than one who goes to a rave. Theres to many possibilities of of dangers that could happen and at 14 she wouldnt have all the understanding in the world of what they are.

party at a friends house = ok
rave = BAD

Any situation where drugs or alcohol are involved can be a bad one. Raves themselves if taken in the right context are not bad. If you love that type of music and dancing and thats what you go for then its fine. If you go for the scene or drugs then it's destructive.

Having been around that culture since the mid 80's i can attest that the original incarnation of raves was a very cool thing. DJ's would rent out warehouses and buy a couple of kegs and spin records for a couple hundred people all night. Harmless for most people who were there. Of course just like any party or bar there were drugs there and if you wanted them you could have them. Thats the persons own choice. They are inviting trouble on themselves if they do but it's still not the raves fault.

Besides real raves have been gone for over 10 years the crap they have had for a long time is completely commercialized and is all about not making money and not the music. The last one I went to was in 1996 and swore I would never go back. Dont get me wrong I still go see my favorite DJ's from time to time but at different venues.

As for this idiot I think he should be brought up on charges for neglect. 14 is to young to be exposed to that type of enviorment. If she has smoked pot already she will be on to harder stuff soon. Kids are going to be exposed to everything in life at some point you just dont want to be the fascillitator.

S

Catherine will be lucky to cross the street. My parents were strict with me and it kept me out of a lot of trouble. The only way Catherine would be able to go to a rave at 14 is if I'm with her. Same thing with going on her Senior trip to Aruba (HELLO??!!) or to Europe. I'd be packing my bags and sitting next to her on the plane.

Parents who can put the fear of god in their children, basically teach them right from wrong can still be cool parents. However being a cool parent to me would be trusting her to go somewhere and answer her cell phone immediately and not lie to me. An irresponsible parent is that man.

Mike and I give Catherine whatever she wants, within reason, but we will monitor everything she does, ie: internet, school friends/work, we will meet ALL her friends parents and yes, she will get a cell phone probably at 12 or 13 for emergencies, but mostly so I can know where she is at all times (HI2U GPS!)

We love Catherine, but if she hates us for trying to protect her and not let her do stuff that would make us seem 'cool', we can live with that.

I don't even have a cellphone and I'm 22. If you want to call me, leave a fucking message. (although I'll be getting one soon since too many people complain)

I completely disagree, and I feel that backing these opinions up with one bad case is a poor argument. On top of that I don't understand how you can go out of your way to be unsympathetic to a dad that just lost his daughter, simply for not raising his daughter the same way you would. People can die anyday by anymillion number of things, who the hell would expect a psycho gunmen to gun 6 people down? How does age affect that? You think she'd have stopped the bullets if she'd been say 23? You think this happens consistently at "Rave" parties because people are drinking or doing drugs? Are you going to keep your daughter from going to college where drinking, drugs, and parties are extremely frequent?

I know people who's parents were far to strict and they rebelled and are now either crack whores or dead - and most people I know who's parents were less strict and encouraged openness have kids who's worst fault is the occasional beer and maybe a cussword.

I agree with Temprah - though I will probably raise my kid somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. I have no intention of trying to just be "cool" but I do believe in encouraging openess and letting them try a few small things when you know about it so they don't feel the need to sneak around doing it.

And no I wouldn't let my 14 year old daughter go to a rave party ;p

When the whole thing with the Halloway murder in Aruba happened, my first thought as a parent was, 'Why did her parents let her go to an island known only for partying at the ripe old age of what...17?'

As a parent I object to the 'cool parent' idealism. Am I sympathetic about a father losing his child? Of course. Do i think he acted responsibly as a parent? No, I don't. We can't protect our children all the time, they eventually have to take the lessons we've taught them and apply them to real life situations. This child was 14...what life lessons was she drawing from?

It was irresponsible of the father and yes, I look at him with disdain. Again, can't protect them all the time but in that case, he could have. He could've put his foot down and said 'WTF ARE YOU NUTS, YOU'RE 14?!!'

/shrug

My daughter is grown. She's happy, self sufficient, has a super job, travels, and has never had more than a speeding ticket. She was raised as I was, by a parent, not a friend.
Yes, you have to give your children some freedoms, and they should be age appropriate, but certain things are better saved for when they become adults.
People need to parent responsibly. Different children need different guidelines, but they all need guidelines.

raves here are illegal for a reason. sure back in the 80's when they started they were allright. Lots of things start off with good intentions. I have sympathy for the guy and if he frequented the board i would not have come down on him about tryin to be a cool dad. But he doesnt come to TAC so my sympathy would be wasted on him. He learned a hard lesson in life.

i agree with shay tho 100%!

Damn straight I don't have sympathy for the guy. Dropping your kid off for a party and not getting worried until the NEXT DAY was extremely stupid. Not only did he neglect his duty as a parent, but he violated the law by ignoring the curfew as established in Tacoma WA http://www.metroparkstacoma.org/files/library/075870355752e702.pdf para 8.109.010.

If you read the article you will see that the daughter still hid things from the dad. Any parent is a fool to think that the child will disclose everything to them and any examples that I see given only serve to say that said person told their parent everything in as much that they never did anything. I have yet to see one person, here or anywhere, say that when they did extremely dangerous or illegal activities they fully disclosed them to the parent. Not one person has said, "Why yes, I told my parents when I put some roofies in someone's drink" or "Hell yeah I told my dad when we smoked some crack and then fucked a hooker without a condom."

Well let's see.. I told my Mom when I started having sex. All she did was ask how I enjoyed it and we set up when I could go get on the pill. Maybe I didn't do a lot of negative things to tell her... because there was zero temptation to try them. I grew up in a family that drank, smoked cigs, did pot and worse. I've never done drugs in my life, never been remotely tempted to. And over the years I've had access to cocaine, pot, crack, acid and more. It never even crossed my mind to try it, I wasn't interested in rebelling with it like my friends. I'd been explained the way it felt to do them and it didn't interest me. (My mom was such a damn hippie she did just about all of it I think) Now I'm 32 and I've never been drunk, never even taken one puff of a cig. These were all explained to me as choices, with reasons for doing them and not. Hell I had my aunt who was a nurse (and who smoked it) sit down and explain the benefits of pot when I was like 13.

Part of my maturity does come from my parents divorcing when I was 11 and I had to grow up fast to help take care of things but that isn't the only reason or else every kid of divorced parents would be mature, educated and make intelligent decisions. I'm a FIRM believer in education and allowing your kids to make their own mistakes. Hell if we decided to have kids that's exactly what I would do. I just don't trust this fucked up society of religious conservative freaks enough to bring a child into it so *shrug* This Dad sounds like he wanted to raise his kid to trust him and to live her life

Oh and I waited until I was 17 to have sex. My Mom had always been honest with me about it and offered to take me to get on the pill when I was younger and encouraged me to tell her if I wanted to have it. She also shared how she had her first time at around 14 and how it wasn't until she was older and her body matured that it because enjoyable. My choice.. wait until it was going to be "fun". All my friends... oh let's have sex at 15 cause it's "bad". Funny how they ended up pregnant by 18. You can't repress people and not expect rebellion. The forbidden is always so very sweet. Add to it raging hormones, confusion and peer pressure? You create an environment that promotes 'failure' because it's more fun to do what's wrong / bad. Now I admit my upbringing was radical, by the time I was 17 I came and went as I chose, I worked and paid my mom a percentage of it (to understand responsibilities and obligations) And when I started dating and having sex I spent the weekend over at my 27 year old boyfriend's. Or had my other boyfriend (Xan) stay at our place with me for the weekend. Yeah I dated a guy 10 years older than me.. when my mom found out and started to get a little upset... I simply reminded her that SHE had done the same and asked if she was a hippocrite? She said no. I asked if she trusted me to learn for myself, knowing how it had ended badly for her? She said yes. And it never came up again. I've got to stop now because I get carried away, I know.

Just we shouldn't judge the Dad.. you don't know if it worked for him and his kid. Or how it may have worked if some nut hadn't killed her. He has to live with deciding that himself, it's not our place to decide for him.

I've known alot of people like Temprah. Again I wouldn't hae let my daughter go to the party, but I can understand the approach he was trying to take. I imagine the newspaper added the word "cool" to spin it that way, and in reality he was simply trying to approach it like Temprah said more then trying to just be a big brother. Though I may be wrong about the wording, it still comes across to me that way.

Dia I dont know what state you live in but raves are not illegal. You can stay open all night if you get the permitts in this city. You just cant sell liquor past 3 not that it stops them from doing it. There are promotion companies that are in business to do just that. Bring in DJ's for all night parties. If your talking about some party out in the woods with no permitts procured then yes they are illegal. All night parties go on in atlanta ever weekend at bars just no liquor is suppossed to be sold after 3.

Nothing good ever happens after midnight anyway. Just an example

http://www.liquified.com/home.html

https://www.ultramusicfestival.com/hi/index.php (This one goes on for days and is 18 and up)


S

when I was 7, my parents let me go to new york by myself on my big wheel.. half way there, I was run over by an 18 wheeler and killed instantly.

they were heart broken, but they figured that it fit the old saying, "survival of the fittest." apparently 18 wheelers are more fit to survive than 7 year olds on big wheels. such is life.

(ok, some of this isn't true. I'll let you figure out which parts.)

It was actually a krazy kart, not a big wheel, right?

no, it was a big wheel. I was 6, not 7. ha.

You guys are pretty harsh not to have sympathy with someone who just had their daughter murdered. So, maybe he shouldn't let his daughter go to a rave, but I highly doubt ANYONE expected someone to shoot people. At the end of the day he just wanted to be able to trust his daughter and have her trust him. Instead of having his daughter saying she's "sleeping" over at a friend's house. You guys are very unforgiving.

Hi Gylius.