TAC Presents - Something Offensive, A Twisted Fucking Fairy Tale POSTPONED

In 1803, the Grimms met the Romantics Clemens Brentano and Ludwig Achim von Arnim at the University of Marburg. These two men stirred in the brothers an interest in ancient fairy tales. They started to collect and write down tales that they alleged had been handed down for generations. Among their sources were Dorothea Viehmann, and two Huguenot families, Hassenpflug and Wild, who introduced them to several tales of French origin. - wikipedia

Ok that means nothing to me but I figured we could use a little high falootin' history when introducing our next, Member inspired The Angry Crayon event. In keeping with tradition here at TAC we're taking something very gentile and twisting it the fuck up. Thanks to Lessa and LacyAnn (who will both get a choice of a TAC T-shirt from our t-shirt vendor site for the suggestion) our next event will be:

Something Offensive, A Twisted Fucking Fairy Tale

In this event all participating members will choose not one but TWO Fairy Tales - YOUR CHOICE. A resource you are welcomed to use is: Grimm's Fairy Tales, but you are NOT RESTRICTED to just that one resource. You can use ANY TWO FAIRY TALES!!

We'd like to see people choose different tales but we won't be restricting it. Just keep in mind that great creativity often comes from genuine surprise...wow I'm so deep!

Character Bio

Hair color:
Eye color:
Fairy Tale #1:
Fairy Tale #2:

NOW...We're encouraging you to take your main character(s) and twist them the FUCK up! We highly encourage everyone to use the F word as well - this aint no fucking tea party and not a traditional warm and fucking fuzzy challenge. TAC twist your TWO fairy tales up and then...

*Write/Explain YOUR Twisted Fairy Tale version:

We'd love to see your version of your two fairy tales and this can be as
and to the point or as
and detailed as you'd like but you know we want to see something long and ridiculous! Everyone will have two weeks to complete their character bio.

(Writing a bio is NOT required, but it is a fun option - just explain your two fairy tales!)


- You do have to be a registered member of The Angry Crayon to participate. There is no posting minimum.

- The morning after the sign ups close, the 'Something Offensive' moderators will be sending private messages with the name of the person YOU HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED. Doing a trade was voted the most popular choice in our previous member poll, but we'd LIKE to see your own interpretation of your person that you are free to showcase as an avatar or sig here on TAC but we REQUIRE that you complete a portrait and signature for the person you have been assigned.

- YOU MAY NOT SHOWCASE YOUR TURN IN ANYWHERE BEFORE THE TURN IN DATE - ie deviantart, personal websites, cgtalk, TAC, StudioMMO, etc...

So, long story short (Yes, I know, too late) - Do a portrait for yourself before the turn in, do a portrait for the person named in your PM the day after sign ups are completed to be turned in August 8th. =D

Sign Ups -
June 10th to June 25th

Turn In Date
Friday August 8, 2008

Now - on to the official no nonsense stuffs...


As with every TAC event, if you choose to sign up you are committing yourself to turning in a piece for your person. You have until Friday August 8th to complete this portrait. That is six (6) weeks. Failure to complete this portrait will result in your permanent banning from future events. If you think you cannot complete a portrait within the alloted time - DO NOT SIGN UP. If for some reason you are unable to complete the portrait - TELL US AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Email us at tacstaff @ gmail.com, PM Rozbeans here on TAC or deviantart.com or browngurl @ theangrycrayon.com

6 weeks is a long time - please do not start your project days before turn in. It's a pretty shitty feeling to be left empty handed on the day of turn in - it's happened to all of us at least once in our art lifetime. PLEASE BE COURTEOUS.

Any questions, please contact Rozbeans.


KK - Sign up posts only (I moved OOC to here)

All posts within this thread should be sign ups only so EDIT IN

YOUR BIO into your place holders =D

Jetamio 15 years ago
I'm fucking in for this!

Will post my fucking bio later!

EDIT : Gonna have to pull out of this one, I have too much preparations to do for my move in August and wont have time to participate
Darsa 15 years ago

Just wanted to say that since the only reliable internet/computer access I have at this point is my work computer, I'm going to have to sit out of this exchange as much as I dislike having to. I'll enjoy watching everyone else's submissions, and I gave Snowdragon my idea to run with so I'll be able to see how that works out!
Lessa 15 years ago
Name: Snow White
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Blue
Fairy Tale #1: Snow White
Fairy Tale #2: The Seven Ravens

Sorry, its very long and not great ><

There once was a couple who had seven sons, yet they wished dearly for a daughter. After many years finally they were blessed with a little girl, but she was very ill. The father sent the boys out to get some herbs to help to cure her sickness, There was a garden in the nearby town full of such plants that could feed and cure an entire town, but it belonged to the queen. The boys snuck into the garden and plucked the herbs requested, and an apple for each for their journey home, thinking that noone would notice such a small number missing. They were mistaken, for the queen noticed everything, and she appeared before them, quite beautiful, and quite calm.

"You intrude upon my gardens, and take what is mine.., I do not forgive theivery lightly."

The oldest of the boys stepped foreward and spoke. " I am sorry your highness, we only came to gather the herbs to save our beloved baby sister, she is gravely ill.. The apples are to sustain us for our journey home.. please forgive us." And he knelt at her feet.

The queen considered him a moment then spoke her answer. " I shall let you keep your lives, since you had such great need, and I will personally return the herbs to your family so that your sister should survive, however as punishment for stealing my apples, like so many crows, you will be punished!" The queen waved her arm through the air and all seven of the children were turned into ravens and flew off cawing and squawking into the sky.

She did as she had promised, gathering the herbs she then located the family and cured their little girl of her ailments, the family never knowing that their queen had been the reason their sons never returned. And though they were sad to have lost their sons, they loved their daughter very much, and she grew to be beautiful and gentle. It wasnt until the girl was nearly grown that she realized she had ever had brothers, for her parents had never mentioned them. She overheard people from the village one day speaking of her, and saying that she was the cause of her missing brothers. She returned home and asked her parents if it were true, and they agreed, that yes she had once had brothers, but she was not at fault for being sick, and noone knew the reason for their disappearance.

Meanwhile the queen, vain and proud as she was, consulted her magic mirror daily. "Mirror mirror on the wall.. " always she would ask who was the most beautiful in the land, and always it would respond that she had beauty unsurpassed by any other. Until one day, the same day that little Snow White had gone into the village. "Queen you have great beauty 'tis true, but Snow White grows more beautiful than you." The queen peered into the mirror at the image of the girl shown, astonished to find it had been the same who she had saved as an infant.

Snow White went off in search of her missing brothers, taking with her only a gold ring that had belonged to her parents, and gathering bits of the story from villagers who had seen strange things over the past years. Villagers who had seen seven ravens over the years, and one who claimed a witch had transformed them into such forms from the boys they had been.

After long last she found a glass mountain, and a door set in the side of it, standing ajar. Pushing the door upen she peeked her head in, seeing noone. There were huge black feathers all over the place, and furniture tipped and scattered throughout the great room. Wishing for them to come home to a clean home, and to pass the time, she decided to clean their home for them and prepare them a hot meal.

After the house had been cleaned, and the pot simmered over a crackling fire, Snow white yawned and fell asleep amongst a pile of feathers upon the floor. The Ravens returned, shocked at the state of their home, and even more so at their visitor sleeping amongst a pile of feathers. They gazed at her, and noticed a twinkle of gold upon her finger and recognized it as their parents. When Snow White awoke, she was happy to see her brothers were there, and explained her story. the brothers told her what had happened to them, and how they had been turned into ravens, and that every day since then they left their home to steal seven apples from the evil queen's garden.

The queen was furious that Snow White had such beauty, and searched for her, the Mirror telling her of the glass mountain and the seven ravens within. She took three apples of her own and poisoned them, intending to kill the girl and leaving her once again the most beautiful in the land. She trekked to the top of the glass mountain, and found the door and knocked gently. Snow White opened it, knowing immediately who it was, for she was so beautiful. The queen smiled gently at the girl. " My dear.. its been years since I have seen you, and you were so young.. I am sure you do not remember me, for it is I who saved your life when you were but an infant. I come baring a gift, take these apples, they are the best, most perfect apples in my orchard, and I would have them for you."

The brothers circled high over the mountain, watching, for they knew the witch was up to no good when they saw her from w ithin their glass mountain, and they waited. Snow White stepped out, and walked along side the witch, taking the basket of apples from her. She thanked the queen graciously for saving her life, as well as the gift of apples. Picking an apple from the backet she turned it in her hand, dropping it to the ground where it rolled along the narrow mountain path and over the edge. "Oh dear!" She said, and smiled and picked up the second apple, and this one too fell from her hands before she could bite it, and over the edge of the mountain. The queens face concealed her growing anger but she remained silent, there was after all, one more apple. Snow White took the third apple and smiled, and dropped it to the ground, the apple stopping at the precipice, and not falling over the edge. The queen reached down to grab the apple, when one of the ravens swooped down and pushed her over the edge!.

At the queens death, the seven ravens returned to their human form and embraced their little sister, and they all returned home to their parents. The end.
SnowDragon 15 years ago
My Fucking Place Holder!!
Character Bio
I wouldn't mind seeing Goldy in any of her aspects in the story.

Name: Goldilocks
Hair color: hair spun of gold
Eye color: blue
Fairy Tale #1: Goldilocks & The 3 bears
Fairy Tale #2:
The Three Billy Goats gruff

Once upon a twisted fucking time in a small quaint village lived a bunch of very fucked up fairy tales. The rich lived outside of the village and the trash lived on the other side of the bridge. You have your usual wealthy business men and families, hitmen, pimps and can't have pimps without the prostitutes. This fairy tale is about a prostitute named Goldy.
Now Goldy wasn't your typical gutter trash prostitute. She was a high class call girl for all the wealthy business men. Her hair was like spun gold draping down her back in ringlets, her eyes were crystal blue like a lake on a cool mid summer meeting and her lips were the color of a fresh ripe juicy peach. Her skin was flawless silky ivory color. She was paid well because she would do anything and anyone.
She had a regular customer named Papa Bear. Papa bear was one of those customers always having special request and it seemed this time was no different. Goldy's Pimp Fugly had sent a message with special instructions of what she was to wear and when to meet him the next morning.
Goldy met Pimp Fugly at his bridge house the next morning and he personally walked her out of the village and up the hill to Papa Bear's villa. Pimp Fugly gave her her things and said he would wait in the gazebo for her. He was going to take a nap.
It had just happened that Mama Bear had taken Baby Bear out on a shopping spree in the village and Papa Bear was taking advantage of having the villa to himself. Goldy walked up to the door and knocked.
Papa Bear answered the door in nothing but his fur. he looked Goldy up and down. She was dressed in a school girl's uniform, cookies in one hand and sucking on a lollipop in the other. He had a hard time controlling himself she was turning him on. "What can I do for you little girl?"
Goldy took a long slow lick of her lollipop before answering with a small innocent smile. "Sir, I was wondering if you would like to buy my last box of chocolate covered cherry cookies?"
Papa Bear was obviously turned on and licked his lips before saying. "Why don't you come inside and convince me to buy those cookies."
Goldy walked seductively into the house as Papa Bear shut the door behind her.

( insert use your wildest and kinkiest imagination for this part of the story )

An hour later Mama Bear and Baby Bear came storming down the path. Mama Bear was on a war path. It seemed that after only two stores her credit card was declined. Mama Bear had called the credit card people in a fucking foul mood demanding to know why she was declined. The credit card operator politely told her to fucking ask her husband what Pimp Fugly's Booty Under The Bridge was and maybe if she took care of him properly he wouldn't be spending so much money.
Well it seemed that Pimp Fugly had just woken up from his nap and saw Mama Bear and Baby Bear reach the door. He stayed hidden while Mama Bear stormed through the door. He bolted toward the village saying fuck that silly bitch she can fend for herself.
As Mama Bear walked into the villa she looked around noticing that the chairs were tossed around and broken. She told Baby Bear to go to his room and stay there. She walked towards the kitchen and saw that the bowls of porridge were over turned and Baby Bear's was gone. "That bastard I'll kill him." She stormed up the stairs toward her bedroom hoping to catch him in the act.
She threw open the door to her bedroom and found nothing but chocolate covered cherry cookies half eaten on the floor and on the beds. As she was trying to puzzle over the cookies she heard Baby Bear screaming Mama what is Papa Bear and this white chick doing in my bed?" She ran down the hallway to Baby Bear's room as she entered the bedroom all she could do is stop and stare.
There was Papa Bear down on all fours and there was Gold with a crop riding him. mama Bear screamed at the top of her lungs. "get that white bitch outta my house before I kill you all."
Papa Bear was stunned but Goldy had her wits still about her. She turned and looked at Mama Bear and bent down and licked Papa Bear and jumped off of him grabbing her clothes and jumping out the window. She put on her clothes and ran back to the house under the bridge.
Papa Bear got up and cleaned himself up and walked to Mama Bear and took her by her hand and walked her to their room. Once they were in the room Papa Bear closed the door and gave her the usual bullshit story of how is sorry blah blah blah.
The next day Mama Bear told Papa Bear to watch Baby Bear she was going into the village. Mama Bear went over the bridge into the shady part of town to this gutter alley. She found the door she was looking for and walked in. Inside were the three ninja billy goats gruff. They were hit men and Mama Bear had come to put a hit on her husband and that white bitch Goldy.
Mama Bear had put a very nice insurance policy on Papa Bear a long time ago. She agreed to the price of the Gruffs and walked out the door and home. The next day while Papa Bear was on his way to work the Gruffs hit him and he died a horrible death. As a souvenir they skinned Papa Bear and made him into a rug for their den.
Goldy was walking home after hearing the news of Papa Bear's death from the village crier in a stupor. Thoughts ran through her head like wildfires or the many men she had had. Who had killed Papa bear? Was she next? Why would they kill her? She ran head first into the smallest Gruff and fell to the street.
"Oh Sir, I am so sorry I wasn't paying attention." Goldy said as she noticed the smallest Gruff as she stood up.
"You are dead unless you can come up with money." said the smallest Gruff.
"My hair is spun gold I will cut off my hair and give it to you if you will but spare my life." Goldy was shaking in terror.
"You have till midnight tonight to come to the gutter alley with your hair. If you say anything to anyone you will die." The smallest Gruff's voice could be heard echoing as he disappeared.
Goldy went to Pimp Fugly's house under the bridge. She knocked on the door and it opened on it's own accord. She called out but no one answered. She walked inside and walked to Pimp Fugly's office. She had seen him hide some money back there one time when he thought he was alone. She walked into the office and found the spot. There was lots of money there he had been making bank on her and not giving her her fair share. She picked up a bag in the office and stuffed all of the cash into it. She hurried up and left out the door to the hair dresser's.
She had the hair dresser cut off her hair to just above her chin. She went home and packed a bag so as soon as she dropped off her hair she could disappear. At midnight Goldy went to the gutter alley and found the little door knocked and walked inside. She dropped the bag of her hair on the ground.
"Here is my hair spun of gold. This should be enough to make you happy and let me disappear." She turned around and walked out the door and called a discreet carriage to take her to the train station. As Goldy boarded the train to an undisclosed location she was laughing so hard she was crying.
What the Gruffs didn't know was even though everyone thought her hair was spun of gold she was really a red head. She had fooled them and wiped out Pimp Fugly.
The Gruffs never found out they used it as a souvenir for hair for Papa Bear. Pimp Fugly came home to his house and found out he had been robbed. He went looking for Goldy and found her missing and figured out that bitch had stolen all his money.
Well as Pimp Fugly loses one prostitute he went looking for another mumbling under his breath. "Who shall it be? That whore Cinderella, Snow White or even maybe Little Red Riding Hood. Doesn't much matter as long as I get the money."

The fucking twisted end.

Wystro 15 years ago
Fuck fuck fuck fuck....fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck....with fuck sauce,

Name: Wystro
Hair color: Auburn
Eye color: Blue
Fairy Tale #1: The Riddle
Fairy Tale #2: The Devil with the Three Golden Hairs
tamaelia 15 years ago
Fuck fuck fuck fuck....fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck....with fuck sauce,

I LOL'd!

Consider me in for this fucking fiasco too!

Name: Tamaelia Thepierat
Hair color: Silver/white/grey/some pale tone you think is cool
Eye color: Lavender/amethyst/purple
Fairy Tale #1: Romeo and Juliet (not strictly a fairytale but its folkloreish imo and we all know the story)
Fairy Tale #2: Cupid and Psyche http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupid_and_Psyche

I will come back when i have the actual fucked up, twisted tale ready.
Shadesiren 15 years ago
Name: Eurydice "Dicey" Morgan
Hair color: Very Dark Red
Eye color: Blue-grey
Fairy Tale #1: ublic&part=2&division=div1"">The Six Swans
Fairy Tale #2: Li Chi Slays The Serpent

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a prosperous farmer named Sebastian Morgan and his wife, Demeter, gave birth to seven beautiful daughters. Each was unique and wonderful in her own way. The farmer would have welcomed a son, but he could not find fault in his lovely offspring, and loved each dearly, spoiling them shamefully.

In the mountains over their valley home, a terrible earthquake awakened a dragon. The farmer and his family survived the earthquake, but the dragon now demanded payment, in exchange for not terrorizing the valley. He demanded that each year, starting the next, the community would have to send him one maiden – the most beautiful, the most wonderful. Each year after that, they would send another maiden, and the dragon would hunt elsewhere for his regular meals.

The village conferred, and it was agreed upon, sadly, but truly, the Farmer’s daughters would be the first to go. There was no question they were the most beautiful, and the most wonderful. With every family in the valley preferring NOT to nominate their own daughters, the choice was easily made. The farmer, being a good and rich man, agreed, in order to protect his less fortunate neighbors.

His eldest daughter, Astraea, was well known for her skill with a needle. She embroidered, stitched and whipped together the most wonderful dresses. Wedding gowns for new brides and christening gowns for new babies were her favorites. Given one year to prepare herself for her meeting with the dragon, she meditated in silence, preparing for herself a beautiful dress to wear to her death. In red silk, embroidered all over with yellow tiger lilies, she sewed in silence for a whole year. At the end, she donned her finery, and went out to meet the dragon. She walked up to him, gave him a deep, full curtsy, and was gobbled right up. Licking his lips, the dragon went away again.

The second eldest sister, Ariadne, was known for her skill with plants. Her garden was the most lush, and her advice to her father on his crops always paid off. She grew flowers, vegetables, and herbs. She began her year of preparation, while her sisters watched, silent and fearful, imagining what it might be like when it was their turn. She spent time in her garden, working with her plants, and sitting in the sun. At the end of her year, she donned her yellow and red Sunday best, and marched up to meet the dragon. She outdid her sister’s curtsy, in grace and style, and the dragon gobbled her up, licked his lips, and went away again.

The third eldest, Briseis, was famed far and wide for the intricate rugs and tapestries she produced from her loom. She decided to be different. In silence, she worked a loom, and wove a broad cloth of finest lawn. She spent days on end in the village chapel, praying to god. In the last week, she cut and sewed a simple shift, and went to her fate wearing her modesty and a crown of daisies. Her sisters watched her go with varying expressions, from fear to puzzlement. She knelt humbly before the dragon, bowing down once, and looking up with her fine, wide blue eyes. The dragon gobbled her up, licked his lips, and went away again.

With four sisters left, the fourth eldest, Clio, went sadly to prepare. Clio had always had a talent for food, often using what her sister Ariadne grew to make meals for her family and the poor in the village. She had been known to take baskets of her creations to families in need. In silence, she made a simple a dress, and ate as little as possible, determined to give the dragon nothing but skin and bones to eat. She wore her old blue cotton dress, and tied a big red ribbon around her waist, like a bow on a present. She walked resolutely toward her fate, trailing her whispering sisters behind her. Hiding her face in her hands, eyes closed tight, she was gobbled up by the dragon. Licking his lips, he went away again.

The fifth sister, Clytia, was renown in the town for her skill with a brush. She painted portraits, murals, and lived her life trying to make the unattractive lovely. She spent her year painting. She painted everything she saw, her family, her home. She painted her dead sisters, and those she was leaving behind. She painted on the side of her father’s house, on the ceiling of the town hall, and over the front door of the church. In the end, she walked out of the house wearing her paint-smeared smock, a paintbrush in one hand. She met the dragon meekly, looking down at her hands, and the dragon gobbled her ups. Licking his lips, he went away again until next year.

The sixth sister, Eos, was always the quietest sister. She preferred the company of birds, to people, usually, except of course for her sisters. She simply chose a favorite old gown, and spent her year with her best friends, her birds. Silently stroking their soft feathers, or spreading seed for them to eat, she had always loved them best. When the end of her year came, she went with her birds following her, no matter how she tried to shoo them back. She went to meet the dragon, and her last, little sister, watched her go. When she bowed before the dragon, one of her birds tried to alight on her shoulder, and we gobbled up with the maiden by the dragon. Licking his lips, we went away again.

The last sister was the rebel, the wild child. She ran wild through the woods, played rough games with boys, and never remembered to comb her hair or wipe her feet. She was told she didn’t have to go – as the last child, it wasn’t fair to take her too. Eurydice, though, insisted she was just as brave as her sisters, and she would go! Unable to dissuade her (and glad not to give up their own daughters), they allowed it. Eurydice spent her year locked away, busy at some mysterious task she didn’t share with anyone. She was silent, never speaking, as her sisters had before, but no one knew what it was she did to prepare herself for the final meeting.

When the day dawned, and it was time, and she finally emerged. On her feet were her favorite boots, snug and familiar and sure-footed. Her mismatched armor looked menacing, She was only 16, but she was ready to end this terrorism. She’d cut her hair, short in the back, swining long to points along her chin. A heavy leather belt supported the scabbard to the deadly looking sword she carried in one hand. Under one arm, she carried the helmet, winged for Eos, painted with flowers for Ariadne and Clytia. Over one shoulder was the cloak Briseis had woven for her, sewn and embroidered by her oldest sister, Astraea. With Clio’s voice a memory in her ear, she ate a good breakfast, and went out to meet the dragon. She found him waiting, among the remains of her dead sisters. Tatters of their dresses lay rotting amid the gnawed clean bones.

This time, when he tried to gobble up his prize, he found he couldn’t! The armor protected her, and she danced out of his way. She swung her sword with a flash, and removed the dragon’s eye. Blood gouted forth, dousing the piles of bones. He lunged again, and again, she danced out of the way. Her sword flashed out, and Snick! She removed his other eyes. The blood poured out, and covered the bones of her sisters. Blinded and enraged, the dragon lunged again, with a mighty roar. Snarling in fury, she swung again, and lopped his head clean off! The blood of a dragon is powerful magic, and Eurydice found herself and her sisters full swimming in it.

In fury at her sisters’ willingness to die, their lack of spirit enough to fight, Eurydice spoke harshly at her dead sisters; spirits. "For your timidity you were devoured. How pitiful!" The blood formed around the bodies, and one by one, the bones joined together. A form seemed to rise out of the mess, a mannequin of fine fabrics, wearing her eldest sister’s red and yellow finery. Formed like a girl, but silently meek, waiting patiently to be dressed. Another cluster of matter formed, and from the muck rose the form of a beautiful girl, kneeling, one hand outstretched as if to touch a blossom. She didn’t move, and as the form solidified completely, her stone skin was visible.

Another formed, this time only a small disturbance in the surface of the red, and a small string of prayer beads floated to the surface, coming to rest at Eurydice’s feet. As she bent to retrieve them, a pair of chopsticks floated up next to them. She picked them up as well, looking at them sadly. Around her, the blood was soaking into the earth, changing the color of the dirt and stone forever. As a flock of birds suddenly burst into the sky, wheeling around against the cloudless sky, they could see below them in the earth itself, the solemn face of the sister that had slain the dragon, painted on the mountain itself in the dragon's blood.

ROzbeans 15 years ago
KK - Sign up posts only (I moved OOC to here)

All posts within this thread should be sign ups only so EDIT IN

YOUR BIO into your place holders =D
LacyAnn 15 years ago
fuckin' placeholder Still working on my stories

Fairytale #1
So we all know the fancy free version of my story. I was mistreated and hated by my step mom and step sisters. Then came my fairy godmother and changed everything. She wisked me to the ball in finery and jewels and that got the price to fall for little ol' me. Next thing you know I married the price and the step daughters are made into servants. What you don't know is that I wish I never married that dunce of a man. As time moved on I found out he was sleeping with those step sisters of mine. Servants my ass. Now I'm on a mission. I spent weeks teaching my rat friends ninja skills now we are ready to kick some prince-ly ass. I'm gonna fuck their threesome up like they fucked my life up. Then I'm going after the fairy godmother cause I know she knew this was gonna happen. Get Ready for Cinderella II The Revenge
I imagine her with with her blond hair maybe a streak of color. Dressed sorta steampunkish but gown like. Some tiny ninja rats around her. Toting some sorta sawed off shotgun looking thing way too big for her you'd think lol. hope this is twisted enough?

Sartori 15 years ago
Count me the fuck in!

My first fairy tale will be a twisted version of Snow White, as recounted by Andrzej Sapkowski in his book, "The Last Wish". I will fill in the details a bit later.

My second has yet to be determined -- that will also obviously be filled in later.

Either way, I am so fucking doing this!
Lunna 15 years ago
Fuck fuck fuck fuck....fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck....with fuck sauce,

LOL Does that mean you are in??

I'm down for a twisted fucking fairytale!
Lillaanya 15 years ago
Fucking place holder....is there a fairytale about a wench forced to slave in the garden?
freyals 15 years ago
Don't hate me for this being so long lol! Is not terribly offensive but hopefully twisted enough for your liking - well, bestiality is pretty fucked up right here.

For my two fairytales I chose Little Red Riding Hood and Beauty and the Beast. This is my version - Once Upon A Twisted Time.

I would love to see a rendition of any or all of the three main characters - Red, Belle and the Beast.

Once upon a time there was a handsome young Prince. The Prince loved to sit all day in his royal rose garden and delight in the beautiful blooming roses that were so soft and pure and red in colour that he knew only his true love would too poses such qualities.

There was a beautiful girl in the village who lived with her grandmother just outside the gates to the royal gardens. Her long hair was red as blood, and her skin as pure as rose petals, and she fancied herself to be the Prince’s true love. She would creep between the bars of the garden gates and sit with the Prince, constantly parading her beauty and comparing herself to the blooming roses. But she was vain, and cared for nothing more than the Prince’s riches and power. He rejected her advances, and banished her from his royal garden, claiming that she was not pure of heart, and could never be his true love.

The girl swore her revenge, and the Prince was not aware that the girl’s grandmother was actually an evil old witch. The witch cast a spell on the young Prince, damning him to live out the rest of his days as a hideous beast. Should he ever reveal his true identify he would be cursed forever, but should a maiden with the purest of heart ever admit to loving such a foul creature, he would be released from the curse and allowed to return to his royal form. The girl and the witch laughed at their cruel deed, knowing full well that no one could ever love such a monstrous creature, least of all a fair maiden.

The Prince, transformed beyond any recognition, was called ‘Beast’ and chased from the land by the scared villagers. He was able to escape into the dark and lonely woods, taking with him a single red rose from his beloved garden. He fashioned a home in the depths of a dark cave, and planted the rose in the dank soil, where it bloomed for the Prince, despite not ever seeing the sun.

Many years later, a woodchopper and his daughter moved to the land, she was a beautiful girl, but it was her loving nature and pure heart that was her true virtue. Her father would go to the woods to earn his living chopping trees, and every time he returned, he would bring back a wild rose as a gift for his daughter. A beautiful rose for a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart, he would tell her.

One day he was chopping wood in the forest near his new home and had found he had lost his way. Night fell upon the forest and the woodchopper could still not find his way back home. He came across a deep cave and entered, knowing he needed shelter for the night and would try to find his way again at daybreak. In the middle of the cave a deep red light drew his attention, and in the centre of a large room he saw a rose in full bloom, as red and pure as the heart of his child. He knew he must pick it for her, and he did. As he pulled the rose from the dirt, a monstrous roar filled the cave, and a beast, so foul and hideous lunged from the dark depths.

The beast reared up on its hind legs and towered over the woodcutter. ‘You dare to steal my rose! My red and pure light, my beautiful companion!’ The beast had nothing left in his life except for his solitary rose, and the woodcutter, frightened for his life told the beast how he was picking it as a gift for his daughter, who was his own pure and beautiful companion. The beast was intrigued by the woodcutter’s description of his daughter, and agreed to let him take the rose as a gift to her if would bring her back to be the beast’s companion in exchange.

The woodcutter fearfully agreed, and being a man of his word he found his way home at daybreak and tearfully explained to his daughter the cruel fate he had signed her away to, in exchange for his own selfish life, and the rose. He begged her to not go, that he could not bear to think of her living in a dark cave with a foul creature. But the gifted rose was so beautiful that the girl took pity on her father and told him not to cry, for she would gladly fulfil his promise to the beast and go to be its constant companion.
And so, clutching the rose, she left her father with head held high and a heavy heart.

The beast fell in love with her from the very first sight, for she bloomed so bright from within, and had a heart so pure that the beast had hope once again in his life. He fashioned a soft bed for her from wild petals, and every morning gathered fresh berries and water for her meals. And soon she was not afraid of him. They would sit in the cave and talk of lands filled with roses, and streams and birds, and love. The beast loved her more every day, and the girl fell in love with him in return, but she never dare speak of her love, and so the fallen Prince remained cursed.

One day he could bear it no longer, and confessed his love to her, that she filled his dark ugly life with light and beauty and that if he could not have her as his bride he would fade away into darkness and nothing. The girl was swept away by his fever, and so they lay down together in a night of passion and embrace. The next morning the girl awoke, horrified at what they had done. She could not speak of the love that she felt for the beast, and believed her purity and virtue had been lost. She knew their actions to be as wrong as if she had lay with any other of God’s wild creatures, and so she fled, screaming and crying into the forest, clutching the ever-blooming red rose to her broken heart.

The beast too was heart-broken, and searched the woods for her, howling into the darkness at his loss. He searched without rest for days and days, determined to reveal the truth to his young love, that her purity and light and virtue had not been disgraced. He would tell her the truth, even if it meant he remained cursed as a beast for all days, for he loved her that much. He eventually came across a small house in the wood, and had to rest his weary feet. The house was dark and empty, the hearth was cold. The beast, exhausted, wrapped himself in an old shawl he found on a chair and lay down on the soft bed.

The beast was awaken from his deep sleep, a girl’s voice calling outside the door. In his mind he imagined it to be his lost love come back to him, but the girl entered the cottage and it was not her. This girl had long blood-red hair, and a dark soul. In his weariness he did not recognise her, and under the covers she could not discern his true form. ‘Grandma, what big eyes you have.’ She exclaimed with a frown, the beast replied ‘All the better to see the light that is true love.’ ‘Grandma’, she said again, ‘What big ears you have.’ ‘All the better to hear the beat of a heart so pure.’ He replied. ‘But Grandma, what big teeth you have.’ Before the beast could answer, the girl jumped up, recognising the hideous features of the cursed Prince-beast who had rejected her all those years ago. She shrieked in anger that he still lived, and her cries caught the attention of a woodcutter who was working in the nearby woods. He burst into the house swinging his axe and demanded to know what was happening. The cruel red-haired girl saw her opportunity, and started shaking and crying, pointing at the beast, ‘That BEAST! That beast ate my poor old grandmother and was about to eat me too.’ The woodcutter saw the beast, and recognised his foul features. He knew that the hideous creature must also have killed and feasted on his own daughter who was so beautiful and pure, that he swung his axe high and with one mighty thud, drove the axe straight through the creature’s heart. The Prince died a lonely and humiliating death, a tear in his eye as the red girl smiled her wicked smile.

His young love had run through the woods for days and days, unable to stop crying for her love of the creature, that gentle and beautiful creature, unable to stop her tears for the fact that she could never admit her feelings for him. She came to a cliff, and with the beautiful vibrant rose still clutched in her hand, and the beast forever clutched in her heart, she flung herself over the edge, into the dark abyss below.

The End ... And no one really lived happily ever after.
Beli 15 years ago
Name: Beli
Hair: Brown
Eye: Blue
Tale #1: Rumpelstiltskin
Tale #2: Sleeping Beauty

Twisted Tale:

Beli is Rumpelstiltskin. She can spin straw into gold with her spinning wheel for at a mortal cost to others.

It is three days before Princess Aurora's 16th birthday party. Maleficent needs a spinning wheel so Aurora can prick her finger and die according to the prophecy. Unfortunately, since Maleficent blabbed about her villainous intentions, the king had all spinning wheels destroyed. Rumpelstiltskin hid hers away in secret for many years, but Maleficent soon discovers its existence and pays her a visit.

Rumpelstiltskin isn't about to let go her money maker. A deal is reached. Maleficent can have the spinning wheel if she correctly guesses Rumpelstiltskin's real name in three days. If she fails, she must give up her crown and staff to Rumpelstiltskin.

Maleficent is unable to properly guess the name and grows enraged with each passing hour. Thunderstorms boom with every shriek she makes. Her minions fail her with names they have gathered so she sends out her loyal raven to search far and wide for the elusive name.

Maleficent's raven spies Rumpelstiltskin spinning gold and gloating outloud, "The queen will never win this game, for Rumpelstiltskin is my name!"

On the final day, Maleficent smugly reveals the true name to Rumpelstiltskin's shock and outrage. Rumpelstiltskin stomps on the floor so hard that the stones crack open and she falls through into the dungeon below, where she remains for a very long time, because as we all know, Maleficent ends up getting killed by the prince and nobody has any reason to visit the forsaken castle.

The End.
Kittystavern 15 years ago
Ah, fuck! Fairy tales? I most definitely have to enter this one. I just hope I can get a story done by the turn in!!

Consider this a Fucking Place Holder!
Lorelei 15 years ago

Hair color:
Eye color:
Fairy Tale #1:
Fairy Tale #2:
Tori B 15 years ago

Name: Tori

Hair color: Blonde

Eye color: Green

Fairy Tale #1: Sleeping Beauty

Fairy Tale #2:


The Short and Sweet of It

Once upon a time and all that, there was a girl who pricked her finger on a spinning wheel and instead of dying, much to the anger of Malificent the Evil Fairy, falls into a deep sleep for 100 years.

Along came a prince who while out dragon fighting stumbles across the castle, enters, finds the beautiful, but very dusty princess fast asleep. He falls in love with her and kisses her and, wow, she wakes up.... grumpy and yelling for coffee!

He had not brought any coffee with him and the princess after 100 years was in severe withdrawal. The sky rang blue with the sound of her sweet, melodic, potty, sailor mouth.

The prince had no intentions of leaving the beautiful princess to go to get her coffee..the nearest coffee shop was 2 kingdoms away.. for who knew what horrors might befall her, if he left her alone.

Meanwhile, Maleficent, with her magically attuned hearing aid (she was getting rather on in years) heard the Princess' voice and flew over to the castle to see what all the commotion was about. Why this princess was just like her in her younger days, she thought. Malificent was actually a little happy that she hadn't killed the princess afterall.

While Malificent was hovering above, flapping her old tattered wings, watching the princess rail on the prince. the princess looked up,saw her and recognised her as the evil fairy who had caused her to prick her finger. Instead of being afraid though, the princess called up to the evil fairy.

"Can't you do something about him? The fucker didn't even bring me any fucking coffee and my freaking head is splitting. Get rid of him"

So the evil fairy waved her magic wand and the prince went POOF! Then she waved it again and POOF! There was steaming hot coffee and the princess and Malificent sat down on the bed like two school girls, chatting, hands wrapped around steaming hot mugs of coffee, and in no time they became the best of friends. Malificent taught the princess all she knew about being evil, which suited the princess just fine, because after 100 years asleep, she had no plans of being a good girl.

And the prince? Oh..he ended up in a tower with no door and only a window for him to look out of far at the top. He remains there to this day, his beard grown long and tangled and hanging out the window for birds to take up nests in. Occasionally the princess visits him. Hard to say which gives her more pleasure, hearing his grunts of pain when she climbs up his beard, or the inevitable roll in the hay upon reaching the top.

katlienc 15 years ago
WOOO HOOOO!!! I didn't miss the signups...Now I need to create a character and backstory. This is a short term place holder...brb.