Say Anything.

yeah It works really well, he gets his phone, but he doesnt usually overuse it, and we get to have contact with him if he's at a friend's or out (like at the all-night skate he sometimes goes to) The services just require that you buy a minimum of $20 worth of time every 3 months or so to keep the service up, which is usually plenty for him anyhow.

This is used incessantly on Argent Dawn.

I don't mind it, if it gets me in a group, and if it gets me in a successful fast group fast, it's all the same to me.

Catherine has gotten more involved with her little brother lately. The past week she's been rough housing and playing with him for hours, sufficiently tiring out the little monkey. They're sitting in the living room recliner together watching TV now.

I may cry. :ole

Sounds blissful Roz :)

I am feeling weary and deflated after receiving a phone call from the school deputy headmistress to tell me the son unit was involved in a fight today. I can't afford to send him to the private school I want to send him to, I don't want to send him to a catholic/christian school because of personal beliefs, I don't know if I have the skills or the ability to homeschool. I just want the little shits that keep baiting him with teasing and excluding him from playing till he gets upset and acts out to fuck right off and leave him alone. Someone tell me it will be ok. Because at the moment I just feel like I am failing him and his mental happiness.

He asks me to send him to a different school but obviously it is not that simple. I wish it was, I really do.

On a more up note, I finally figured out why the lights in my render looked wonky. They look ok now. I think I need some coffee.

It will be ok Tam! :hug How old is your son?

Last year, my son (hes almost 10 now) was getting in fights at school (he has a short temper and part of it was because I believe he was having a difficult time because of hubby and I were separated). After hubby and I worked things out and got back together, he was still getting in trouble at school. We decided that maybe if he had an outlet, it would help...so we enrolled him in Karate classes. It really helped teach him discipline and self control, as well as how to respect others. Not to mention the physical part that kept him wore out and tired which is great for a boy who has so much energy. LOL He stopped getting in fights and had a blast making new friends. :)

I don't know if something like karate classes would be something you would consider, but it's a suggestion :) and did help my little man. I've always tried to keep my son busy with some sort of after school activity whether it be karate, sports, or what. I know as an adult, I need my outlet (art'ing!) when I get stressed or overwhelmed and so it only made sense my kids need one too.

I can sympathize hun. My nephew has been begging us to let him come out here to go to school with my kids and then trade and let tristan go to school with him, because the kids pick on him and he doesnt have any friends there. He is extremely ADHD (though hes medicated now and i think that helps him out quite a bit so long as he remembers to take it in the morning) and on top of that he has a last name that the kids have an easy time making a joke out of (Babcock) and his dad's family wont let him change it to his mom's surname since he is the only heir in their family.

But one of the conditions we had for them to trade schools was that they both kept up good grades, and matty's grades arent so great and hes not been the healthiest kid either. So, sadly doesnt look like itll happen this year.

=/ It makes me absolutely sick to wonder if Catherine is unhappy in school. Maybe you could get together with the parents of the children, threaten to beat their ass if their kids don't let off? Ok that's not realistic. I don't think pulling him out of school would help though. Or it might, I don't know, my parents made me suffer through the indignities of 7th grade girl crap but admittedly I got myself into that trouble more than anything else. It's suppose to make you a better person, but it still hurts like hell to see your kid upset.

I wish the world was like the Cosby show and things were fixed by the end of the day.

/hug

When Stefanie was in fifth grade there was a girl on the school bus who started bullying her, picking on her, threatening to beat her up. When she told me this I told Stefanie to avoid her, but the next time she started in to tell her she better hope her parents had money or good liability insurance because I was going to sue their asses if she didn't stop. Not that I would have, because I truly don't believe that's the way to solve problems...normally. However, after a few more verbal altercations it must have worked because the girl stopped.

Then too, this was a situation with only one bully. Get a group together and they feed off each other, and become stronger, but that's when I would contact the school, and have a meeting with the principal and teachers. If there is ever any physical violence, I wouldn't hesitate to contact the police either. I've read too many horror stories about kids who are killed by peers, over the most stupid reasons. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to try and protect my child.

Yeah we always wonder if t here are things going on at school that we aren't aware of, especially with CeCe because she's not the kid that comes home and cries if some one is mean to her she just ignores it. Recently the "popular" girl in her class started a rumor that CeCe and her best friend were gay and although Erik was not happy with me I told CeCe that there's nothing wrong with being gay and to just let it roll off her back.

You just gotta gauge if it's really too much and is causing emotional damage or if it's something that they can learn and grow from.

Oh Roz, I love seeing the girls play with James it's funny how even though the girls at 8 and 10 years older than him they fit together so well. It really is awesome. :D

Everyone is doing a nice job of keeping everything PC and Dr. Spock and all, so I'm going to take it back to the old school for a second and tell you that sometimes, the only solution is to punch a motherfucker in the mouth.

I don't know how it is with girls, but that's how boys roll.

It's like a pack of wild dogs. If you submit or show fear, you are fair game. If you stand up for yourself and show you are not easy prey, they will (usually, hopefully) leave you alone... if you don't become the new Alpha dog yourself. Teachers and parents and law enforcement officers may not like it, but unfortunately, the world still works that way.

Honestly, I tell Catherine that. Mike HATES it, but school is like prison. You gotta beat the crap out of the bully if you want to be left alone. =/

I don't have kids so I can't really comment, but I do second the martial arts recommendation for all children. The more you learn you can do the more you realize you shouldn't unless you absolutely have to. It is also a great outlet, and most importantly it builds confidence - people that are really confident aren't as likely to be picked on.

I taught my kids not to start fights but to stand up for themselves and I do give them permission to defend themselves. They know the rule is if the other kids makes the first hit... by all means whoop their asses. LOL Now if they make the first swing, I will whoop their butts, but I firmly believe in them defending themselves. Good thing too because my daughter is in high school band....and to top that off... she plays the flute... you just know that right there is asking for trouble ... ROFL

Thanks guys. Pharren, we have told Dale he can stand up for himself and he has done so before. Part of the problem is that Dale does have a problem with temper, he also just manages to be about 10 seconds behind when it comes to reading a situation and working out the solutions to problems. He is a great kid, loves to play sport and such. Just having a few dramas with his way of responding to conflict.

He also seems to have a massively overdeveloped sense of justice. So if some kid picks him and that kid doesn't get in trouble for it, Dale really feels slighted LOL Hubby spent some time talking to him this morning about practical ways for boys to deal with their stuff so I hope some of that sunk in.

I don't know about karate or other martial arts, I think we have enough on our plate right now, he does tennis lessons and cricket, both of which he likes to play. If we added another activity it may be too much stuff. For me as well as the kid LOL We only have 4 more weeks of school left this year, so maybe with a 6 week break over summer he will have time to recover and develop some better attitudes and strategies for dealing with shitty kids.

Thanks for the ears!

I need to post this somewhere that I can't get in trouble...an open letter thingy....

Dear Repeat Offender Vendor,

Please put your effing textures in the folder. This is the 5th or 6th thing I've tested for you and you leave out the effing textures. STOP IT. It's driving me nuts. You may recieve a pipe bomb from Wyoming.

Yours Truly,

Disgruntled Tester

....some of these people, I swear.

I was bullied pretty much all my time at school. First because I was Scottish in an English school (thats just asking for it really), then built up to include all my other flaws. How short I was, my clothes, how skinny/ugly I was.

I tried to tell my parents but they would just wave me off like they always did, tell me to stop being a wimp and stand up for myself. Don't hit first, but hit back. That's all very good if they actually hit me, but I think I only got into one actual fight at school. It was all verbal stuff, from like the whole grade. Even my so called friends would join in.

I told the teachers but they did very little. It would stop for a day or two then start again. I got to the stage where I was sure I was meant to be the underdog all my life. If my own parents didn't want to help me, why the fuck should I care what happened to me? I had no one else. Do you know what it feels like to feel you are alone in the whole world? That there is not one other person who understands you even the tiniest bit? I do. And I would not wish it on any kid.

Usually it is a parents separation/divorce that triggers this, or so we are told. For me it was the breaking point. I was angry that my life got even worse, furious with fate. I started fighting back, mostly out of suppressed rage rather than any desire to stand up for my self. By that time I was convinced I was worthless. But fighting back was a good outlet for all that rage that I couldn't release any way else at the time. I still never hit anyone at school without them hitting me first, but the fact that I was finally fighting back seemed to make them lose the fun in it. It never went away completely, but by grade 11 it seemed alot better, or maybe I just no longer cared.

Now I am much different. I hit puberty finally and now am built like a brick shithouse wall. No one has picked a fight with me in years lol. I still have that well of rage deep down. I don't think it will ever be empty, too many years of being helpless against both school and my home troubles with my fucked up stepfather. But since I moved to Canada I have all but extinguished it, I am more at peace with myself than I have ever been.

Will I ever be truly healed? I don't know. I still have doubts about myself, if I am worth anything to anyone. I long for the day someone will turn to me and say they love me, and mean it.

I am so glad you all take an interest in your kids lifes. Stand up for them and guide them and tell them you love them regardless. I am glad they are able to talk to you, because I was not able to talk to mine. I am glad you listen, because no one listened to me. Keep it up.

Jet honey, I am sorry for how your childhood let you down. I really believe kids should get to be kids for as long as you can manage it. Adults are such jaded creatures, we need to make the world a bright place for the young ones in our lives. Sounds like you did the best you could to protect your soul and heart; what child can possibly have the emotional equipment to deal with that bullying alone? Have you ever reconciled your pain with your parents? I imagine it would be very hard to bring it up, let alone have a halfway productive conversation about it.

I was a regular target for school crap as well, but due to my religion, I was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness so I stood out from the crowd very often. No birthdays or xmas etc, and a weird slant on life and fitting in or rather not fitting in with the "world". I left that church when I was 17 and moved in with my (to-be) hubby. I am more of a secular orientation now, I have reconciled my thoughts about god and religion with myself and am happy with my choices. I believe it takes as long to undo the hurt and pain of childhood anguish as it took to cause it, and there are parts of us that will never recover from those wounds. It sounds to me like you have some serious emotional injuries Jet; but it is important to understand that we are all valuable, we all have something special to give and we all have capacity to be loved.

I think of it this way... if you had been in an accident and had received a massive cut on your leg, people would come and tend the wound, bind it and treat it till it healed. Physical wounds are easy, we can see them, they bleed and scar and heal. You have been in an emotional car wreck, your wound is deep as a well like you put it. The problem is, only you can touch it. Other people might be able to see it's effect but only you can bind it and make it better. Other people can give you support and the emotional bandages to keep you together but only you can put them on because only you can feel where it hurts.

In a perfect world we wouldn't have this stuff to deal with, in our world we just have to rely on each other to get us through the pain and obstacles that confront us. Some people like to rely on faith or spirituality and if that works then that is great too. Some of us are too bruised to believe and that is where friends have to step up to the plate and be there.

Blame it on the lawyers.

You too Tam, eh? It's hard to feel more outside when you are taught that you are supposed to be on the outside. If that makes sense.

It does make sense, and if I could blame laywers I would LOL If nothing else, I have learned that everything is made of many layers and there are so many shades of grey. There is no one aspect of my life that is the sole reason for me being who I am, it's a conglomeration of mistakes and triumphs. The only truth I hold to now is honesty... be honest with yourself and your loved ones and the rest will find its own level.

Deep and meaningful in the Say Anything thread!